A fun and silly pair

I was lucky because coming from a background of Social Work, and having a number of educators in my family, the developmental delays in my son were quickly noticed and steps taken to get him the help he needed. That meant lots of doctors visits, testing and treatments. It’s very difficult and lonely going through it as a single parent and frustrating when the other parent intentionally does whatever he can to undermine your efforts. Somewhere along the way I forgot I had a little boy who also had childish needs, who wanted to play and be silly and have his mummy do that along with him too. Life has been so regimented for us for the last few years, it is strict schedules, times for this time for that, medications in the morning, medications in the evening, academic work: Math, Science, reading, Art and Craft, sleep, school and the monotony can really start to make you crazy.

The costs of caring for a special needs child, wondering what is going to go wrong and next and how you’re going to pay for it all, is really burdensome. It’s easy to forget the little things that make raising children fun, so it just can begin to feel like a Sisyphean task. Thankfully my son is con_ dent enough to insist that I do fun things with him. Even if I am tired, he will downright pester me until I get up and do whatever activity with him. The other day he wanted to ride his bike, one of those motorised ATVs for children, he bugged me for days until I eventually gave in and took him for a ride. I’d forgotten just how much fun we have when we do that. It was even more fun when I realised he had connected the turbo and was speeding, going up the road with me running pell mell trying to catch up.

A simple thing like going to the zoo, for years he could not do, as he was not allowed near anything with feathers or fur. It had gotten to the point where I’d threatened to put him in a bubble since almost everything made him ill. It was a nerve wracking number of years. Recently he was cleared to be around animals within reason and to celebrate we went to the zoo. It was still a challenge since he has behavioural issues that make it difficult to control him in public places, but we went anyway and he had a blast.

I’ve come to the realisation that each child is different, not every child is demure and wellbehaved, but it’s not that easy to accept when the rowdy and boisterous child is your own. I’ve made my peace with having a rambunctious little boy. I don’t expect him to be calm and well-behaved, ever.

That way when he is good, I get a lovely surprise. I know what my little boy has been through because I was there with him every step of the way. So now that things have begun to creep toward improving, I understand his need to explode. Now that he has a little more freedom to do the things other children have always been doing, why shouldn’t he be silly and loud and have fun? After all the work I’ve seen him put in and all he has endured, I think he’s earned the right to be a little silly and rowdy. He is not autism and allergies, but a child who has them.

First and foremost he is a child and he should do what children do. I’m a parent and I forgot. Luckily I had someone to remind me.

As parents in general and especially for parents of special needs children we should never forget children need to be children. Regardless of if you are tired, don’t feel like it or don’t have the time or money there is always something fun and silly you can do with your child. I can assure you when your child is all grown up the memories they will look back on fondly is not the therapy sessions and doctors visits but the fun and silly times you had together. Having special needs should not deprive a child of hisher childhood, should it? It also shouldn’t deprive parents of the chance to enjoy their children just like everyone else. As for me and my little one I’m going to spend more time playing and being silly with him, doing fun things and enjoying this time. You might come across us some day, we’ll be the loudest mother and son in the place.