‘Ride out after the first lash’

He also told the victims not to let pride prevent them from seeking help. Harris addressed the topic yesterday on his live monthly Facebook chat “Ask the Archbishop Live”, hosted by Tracy Chimming-Lewis from Archbishop’s House in Port of Spain.

He was asked if there was anything the church could do to assist people who return to abusive relationships.

Saying he had worked for years in the Marriage Tribunal of the church, Harris recalled many spouses saying they expected violent behaviour to change once they had got married.

“People don’t change,” warned Harris. “If someone is abusing you before marriage, you can rest assured that they will not change after marriage. So that if your choice is an abusive person...

expect to be abused.” However, he said it was important there were places where victims and abusers could seek help,and wished every vicariate (parish group) had somewhere that, “people with difficulties in their marriage can go for counselling.” He added: “We have to have safe houses for people who really have to escape from abuse.” Harris said the abuser often returns pleading for forgiveness while promising never to do it again but, “90 per cent of the time” it happens again. He said: “So be wise and if you have been abused but your spouse wishes to come back, then ensure that your spouse gets the help, psychological and otherwise, that is needed to change him.” Harris said it is “not nice” being abused and worse yet when people know that you have been abused. But, he told victims, “Don’t let your pride keep you from getting help.”