Pope Benedict — the aunty of Christ?

THE first time I heard the term anti-Christ, I was elated. You see all my life I had only heard about Jesus, the Virgin Mary, Jesus’ Father who art in Heaven and the mysterious Holy Spirit. Growing up in a sheltered Catholic home and regularly attending Mass, I was well acquainted with Jesus and his family. Or so I thought. But now, according to my classmates, there was another member of the Royal Heavenly family for me to learn about. Christ’s Aunty. So when I went to a certain teacher of mine (whose name I will not call. I promised you Mrs Noel, I will not call your name) to enquire as to who this aunty of Christ really was, I did so with gleeful expectation.

Now, picture this scenario for a moment. I, am a ten-year-old dumpling in a blue shirt and khaki pants, running up to my teacher at Fatima RC School and asking her about the aunty of Christ. Boy I tell you, the brouhaha that followed was unforgettable. My poor teacher. She may not remember this incident now, but I still do. After asking her the question and waiting expectantly for an answer, she looked at me with a look of confusion. Christ’s aunty? I told her I had heard the term — anti-Christ — and wanted to find that individual. Well who tell me to ask that question? Yelling at me on how dare I speak about the devil, my devoutly Catholic teacher crossed herself and muttered a prayer to ward off evil. Then she proceeded to lecture me on who and what really was the anti-Christ. Oh yes, I also got some licks too for thinking the anti-Christ was Christ’s aunty.

Enlightened, I ran to my mates during lunchtime and with an air of being in possession of superior knowledge informed them that Christ had no aunt and that they should stop using the term Aunty Christ. My mates, of course laughed at my stupidity. They knew what was the anti-Christ and their explanation you can imagine, was even more dreadful than my teacher’s. My mates, convinced that I was mentally challenged went further and declared to me that Pope John Paul II was the anti-Christ. I remember running home, tears in my eyes and visions of a snarling Pope dancing vividly in my mind.

Coming from a sheltered Catholic family and with an imagination on hyper-drive, I was in fear and cold-sweating unable to understand how the man for whom I prayed every Sunday, was really against Christ. I remember falling to my knees begging God for forgiveness. Begging pardon for having prayed for the health and strength of a Pope who according to my schoolmates, was the anti-Christ. When Pope John Paul died, I remember smiling and thinking to myself: “there goes the man who terrified me for weeks when I was a child.” What is the reason for me dredging up this memory from my school days? Well, because while wasting time in an Internet chat room a couple nights ago, I came across a group of “chatters” telling each other that the new Pope — Benedict the XVI — was the anti-Christ.

These idiots claimed elderly Pope Ben was really a Nazi and St Peter’s was now ruled by a Hilterite whom we should really be greeting as “Heil Benedict” while stretching forth our hand in the Nazi salute. I guess all this paranoia has to do with the fact that Joseph Ratzinger, as a teen had served in Adolf Hitler’s youth movement during the time of Nazi Germany. Looking at 78-year-old Ratzinger, oops I meant to say Pope Benedict, I find it hard to fathom how anyone could say he is the anti-Christ. But then again I have heard people swear that US President George Bush, healer man Benny Hinn and former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein are also anti-Christ. I for one believe Papa Benedict cannot be aunty-Christ, simply because Benedict is a man. How the hell a man can be Christ’s Aunt?