New leader in the Dragon’s den

For long, I had been the head Dragon, the Lord of All I surveyed, His Imperial Majesty and the High Priest of Sada Roti. But the arrival of Ashleigh Arianne Chee Hing —Dragoness of the Clan of the Chee Hings – meant the King has been toppled, nay thrown off, from his throne.

The King has been reduced to mere servant, remover of poop-filled diapers and now finds himself on night duty, being awakened from sleep at dread hours of the night (with yampee crusted eyes and hands shaking from lack of sleep) as the Dragoness roars her demand for milk and more milk.

You would think Dragoness Ashleigh could cut the former King some slack bearing in mind his former royal position in the clan. But not this beautiful creature. "Clean the damn bottles and wash meh blankets and make it quick pops," Ashleigh roars at me in that baby dragon lingo only her mother and I could understand.

"Yes my princess, my progeny, my life. Your wish is my command," I reply prostrating before the Dragoness as she lies snugly in her crib-throne.

And boy does this chile know she has it made! Anytime I steal a glance at her angelic face, I would see her watching me intently with a wry smile playing on her lips and a twinkle in her eyes, planning how to make me start hopping around. I don’t know how she knows it, but she knows that she has me wrapped around her fingers and toes. I am at her beck and call. "Ha, I have my father in total control. What a beh beh my father is yes boy," the Dragoness must be thinking.

And she is right. I am totally mesmerised by the spell this daughter of mine has cast over me. I wait on her hand and foot. I remember in the early days, when I was still getting used to having a Dragoness around the den, I almost drove Mrs Dragon to commit murder – mine – which I am sure she knew would have been justifiable and forgiven, behind the veil of Postpartum Stress. I drove her mad with my paranoia and incessant questioning. I asked almost every hour on the hour if Ashleigh’s breathing was laboured, or if the hiccups were hurting her, or if she was too cold or if she was too warm, or if she had gotten enough milk, or if the breeze was too strong, or if mosquitoes were bothering the Dragoness, or if colic was causing the crying, or if the pampers were too tight, or if the baby soap was too strong, or if WASA water had too much chlorine, or if…you get my drift I am sure. Every time the Dragoness cried, no matter the hour, I would hustle to change my clothes and rush out to the car ready to take her to the private hospital where she was born.

I remember when Ashleigh knocked off the stump of her umbilical cord with her busy little hands, how I almost fainted at the sight of a tiny speck of blood and would hear nothing of Mrs Dragon’s attempt to calm me.

We went straight to the hospital, where I wept and begged the nurses to save my suffering child. Poor Mrs Dragon stood next to me her face scarlet with embarrassment while Ashleigh steupsed, watched me cut-eye and in her cooing Dragoness voice, admonished me for being so dotish and bringing shame on the Chee Hings. I could see the little brain ticking away as she planned on asking her mother to be the one who would attend PTA meetings instead of me.

All of the nurses gathered around me, while one of them rubbed my head with Alcolado. The midwife took my hand and in slow measured words assured me that it was normal for the cord to fall off and that this was part of the growing process.

Some of the nurses, instead of comforting me, sympathetically watched my wife as if she and not Atlas, had the weight of the world on her shoulders. One of them even rubbed her shoulders in an understanding manner. The Dragoness and Mrs Dragon did not speak to me for the rest of the day.

And with me struggling to adjust to a life of peasantry and servitude — no longer King of the clan — you would think wifey would also cut the deposed leader some slack. But in the true vein of "Like Mother, like Daughter," she too, sided with Ashleigh and joined the giving-orders-bandwagon.

"Hot the water for Ashleigh’s bath, gosh you eh play you lazy nah," Mrs Dragon would bellow as I cowered in a corner, secretly wondering what I had gotten myself into and wishing I could suck my thumb for solace without looking foolish. I mean if Ashleigh could do it, who is me?

It has been over a month now since I was deposed as undisputed ruler of the clan and while I am still adjusting to this new chapter in my life — Daddyhood — I am must say I am truly lucky to be the father of such an adorable child. Ashleigh is my greatest pride and joy.

I do not know if I would ever be returned to the throne, but I doubt it especially with these two feisty dragons running rampant in the den. I already have hundreds of photos which I proudly carry around to show anyone who gives the slightest interest. What I do know is that this is a really interesting and happy part of life I am entering and I would have it no other way. Confucius in his infinite wisdom once said having a child was like having your heart walking outside your body. I think for once he was wrong.

My very being, my body, my heart is not worthy to be likened to Ashleigh — my daughter.