What’s in a name?

The reason proffered by Junior Finance Minister Conrad Enill was the title of the event: the Death March. I wouldn’t have thought that Enill would have wanted to place too much emphasis on nomenclature, though, given the first syllable of his first name. But that’s what he said. Anyway, this started me thinking about names - and when I start thinking, unfortunate things come out of my keyboard. So, before I even knew it, this is what happened:

There once was a fellow named Enill

Who resembled a small hill;

He could not march against crime

Since he had to stay in line,

In case he was needed as landfill.

In making his statement, Enill was backed up by Education Minister Hazel Manning — again an odd source of support for such an argument, since her main qualification for her Ministerial job is, of course, her name: Mrs Patrick Manning. But that wasn’t the name that struck me as showing Hazel’s true colours.

There was a lady called Hazel

Who was really quite unable;

She said, ‘ I seek knowledge, but

When your name is also a nut

Education is often unattainable.’

Then the next day, Eddie Hart, who is Minister of Something, was agreeing with his colleagues, saying that the Government was not for death but for life — which is what Hart might, in fact, have gotten if he had hit UNC activist Orlando Nagessar a little harder when he assaulted him some years ago. And, although I tried, I found that I couldn’t get the rhyme quite

There was a man by the name of

Hart

Who never could get his lips to part; For when he tried to smile,

His stomach brought up bile,

And he looked as though he’d clenched a belch.

Then, after the march, citizens heard

from the man whose name is most

often cited when it comes criminal

activity in this country.

There was a man named Martin

Who was very embarrassed by dust

bins. He felt they were a sign Of the

state of his mind

And would bypass

them with a fearful grin.

Inevitably, the unofficial PNM spokesmen rallied behind their masters. Without the slightest evidence save their own bigotry, or the smallest hint of logic save their own paranoia, they accused the entire business community of being hypocrites for taking part in the march, and said that the title was a sign of obeah. But that which a certain kind of person most loudly protests says much about their own character.

Once I had started, however, I found that I couldn’t stop. It was like eating a few M&Ms - impossible.

I started thinking of other people who had recently defended their good names - or, rather, acted as though they had good names to defend. Then again, some people must really have faith in their good names when they lend a half-million dollars with the only collateral being their happy smile.

There was a fellow named Franky

Who never did any hanky-panky;

He gave a large loan

On a smile and handshake alone

Since a contract would have made

him cranky.

Nor was he the only one.

There was a man named Eric

Whose name was a famous pick;

When accused of taking bribes,

He proved his bona fides

By praying at Mount St Benedict.

And then another PNM front-liner, Trade Minister Ken Valley, gets accused in Parliament of directly ignoring laws about Government Ministers dealing with magistrates, to which he says he will continue seeing whomever he wants.

A politician called Valley

Let his name affect him ethically.

When told breaking the law was

wrong, He stayed in his crease, like

a thong: And said, "I always act

geographically."

But, of course, all these individuals must answer to the maximum leader and, that being the case, his name is the only one which really matters. Which no doubt is why I had to use a double-limerick to do him justice.

There once was a man named

Patrick

Who had a strange tic:

He would use, ‘Ladies and gentle

men’

In every sentence ad nauseam:

Which is the Latin way of making

you sick.

Manning was his second name

And he was always planning for

fame;

He felt that building buildings tall,

Was the best way to become immor

tal:For he didn’t believe he would

be born again.

E-mail: kbaldeosingh@hotmail.com

Website (now updated): www.caribscape.com/baldeosingh