First Love

It happened in Form Four. I was attending a private secondary school — run by Mr Moore called Modern Secondary School — at the corner of Roberts and Cornelio Streets in Woodbrook.

Straight across, on the other side of the class from where I sat, I suddenly became aware that when I was looking at this particular girl my heart would beat faster than when I looked at the others. There would be a warm glow deep down inside of me. I could not understand it.

One day our eyes met, we looked at each other for a short while and she blushed shyly and looked down into her books. That was the magic moment. From then on, we played eye games at a distance.

Virgie’s smiling face with that beautiful blush was etched deeply into my mind’s eye. While studying at home, suddenly it would appear on the pages of my book. While looking at the green hills, her face — larger than life — would dominate the landscape. She was everywhere in my waking moments. Yet, we had never spoken to each other.

One morning, I saw Virgie walking up the steps ahead of me. I thought this would be my chance to speak to her. As soon as I made that decision, my heart began to beat like that of a galloping race horse, the palms of my hands felt clammy and I started to cold sweat.

Inspite of that, I started to move quickly towards her. When we met, I could not speak. I smiled and looked across at her. She looked at me and we giggled sheepishly. We walked closely together and I was intoxicated with the sweet scent of heaven in her hair.

"Freddie Kissoon, there is a young lady waiting to see you in the corridor," announced the teacher loudly and clearly. It was Louisa, a Form Six girl, who handed me a letter to give to my brother, Cleaver. That incident, as simple as it was, caused great embarrassment. The fellas in the class teased me about Louisa. When Virgie’s eyes met mine, I shook my head to indicate it was nothing but her eyes expressed her vexation.

In the geography class, the principal said quite unexpectedly, "Freddie, will you please read for us." That sudden, unusual request shattered me completely. I was hesitant, nervous and I fumbled with words. I was barely audible. He had to say several times, "Please read a little louder." But there was a frog in my throat. He saw my predicament and called on another pupil.

I could sense Virgie was looking at me. I saw sadness in her eyes. There were no roses in her cheeks and she turned away slowly. I had disappointed her. My ego was devastated. After all, it was no secret, I was always first in test, but reading aloud at that stage in my life, was my Achilles heel.

At home in Camille Road, I climbed up the orange tree and practiced endlessly. After a few weeks, when Mr Moore asked for volunteers, my hand was up first. "Let’s hear you," he said hesitatingly. At the end, he commented, "Excellent, thank you very much." That reading was one of my big moments in time.

When the principal left the class, Virgie looked in my direction. This time my eyes were waiting to caress her face. She smiled. I saw the love light in her eyes once more and I loved her... at a distance.

Finally, the following is not a joke. I have used it at several weddings. This quotation comes from "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran: "When you love you should not say, ‘God is my heart,’ but rather, ‘I am in the heart of God.’"