Do you know?

For example, when Newsday published on the 7th of May an article of mine which began: “Today, May 13th, is two months since . . .,” it set up a chain reaction:

(1) It made me look foolish (“the old lady must be going off”!), and I hate ever seeming out of character. My son-in-law, Oliver Flax, and I have a standing joke about the meaning of the word “conceit.”

(2) Another chain reaction was that the article which should have been published on the 7th had then to be published on the 14th.

(3) Another feature of the chain reaction was that I felt an apology was due to my readers, and even though the mistake was not mine, I set out to write, via the “Letters to the Editor” department, an apology — one which I considered to be a classic example of a fine piece of writing. I, myself, received by telephone, an apology which I readily accepted. But I hate to waste a good piece of writing. There is not usually a superabundance of it to be found around us, so we can ill afford to suppress any of it when it turns up. (Oliver, where are you?)

Unfortunately, my letter to the editor for the benefit of my readers was not published, and that set up another chain reaction. I was determined that you should see it, so I am now using my column — an English Language column — to give it to you. I quote:

“The readers of my article which appeared on May 7th, beginning, ‘Yesterday, May 13th, was two months since . . .’ would have realised that dessert was served before dinner. That happens when the cook is too efficient. Waiters have to be extremely alert. Dinner will now be served on Sunday, May 14th. Thanks for understanding. Bon appetit!” Using this letter here sets up another chain reaction. All the articles which I had already written up to June 18th have now been displaced automatically, but I shall give you the originally planned list, so that for the next few weeks you will know whether you are being served dessert or dinner. Make your own mental adjustment where the dates are concerned beginning from today:

May 21st — An article about the twins, Crystal and Ruth Haynes, EWMSC students.

May 28th — An article about an old school-friend whom I met after 75-odd years, and our headmistress who had been a stickler for thoroughness in everything we did.

June 4th — A charge made against me that I do not criticise and correct other people’s mistakes as much as I did before.

June 11th — A tribute to my eccentric, deceased brother, John Collis Bailey, born June 14, 1908.

June 18th — Criticism of an English Language correspondence course emanating from England.

Chain reaction to lack of more space? You must analyse for yourselves the piece of writing I stated to be good.