Abstinence n. an educational method designed to kill youths who fornicate.

Arm n. that which, along with a leg, you have to pay for food.

Belief n. an acceptance, without proof, that something exists or is true, which determines public policy (see ‘Jesus’, ‘think’).

Bible n. a collection of ancient documents which has answers to every possible question, except how to reduce crime, poverty, and stupidity.

Bribe n. the cost of doing business.

Cabinet n. a place where everyone agrees with the leader if they want to keep their jobs (see ‘note’).

Camp n. a place where accommodation costs $20 million for the weekend.

Child n. a non-voter.

Dead adj. a qualification for working in the URP; also a likely consequence of working in the URP.

Development n. tall buildings in the capital city.

Dust n. what the Vision 2020 reports are now gathering.

Economise vb. an obscene word, not used in political circles.

Equal adj. what the Prime Minister more is than others.

Editor n. an ignoramus who relies on facts instead of full-page ads that show how good the government is doing.

Feign vb. what politicians do with concern, integrity, and hard work.

Fool n. & vb. party supporter; action usually done to same.

Free adj. what politicians want in respect to food, rent, and football tickets.

Gas n. a multi-functional device used to buy votes and spout on election platforms.

Gun n. the main tool of trade for young, black men in staunch PNM constituencies (see ‘kill’).

Hallelujah n. an exclamation used after hundreds are conned by miraculous healing.

Hinny n. offspring of a female donkey and a male horse, who makes a living fooling mules with miraculous healing.

Homosexual n. a mythical creature, like unicorns, douens.

Integrity adj. a meaningless word.

Ivory adj. material used to make tower which, when its occupants step out of it, offends politicians.

Jail n. a place that eh nice, usually occupied by politicians’ closest constituents. Jam n. half of the recipe for keeping constituents loyal (see ‘wine’)

Jesus n. the Prime Minister’s chief policy consultant (see ‘belief’).

Kill vb. the favoured past-time of the young, black men in the PNM’s staunchest constituencies.

King n. position which the Prime Minister would prefer.

Kleptocrat n. a ruler who uses their power to steal their country’s resources, or build tall buildings (see ‘development’).

Laugh vb. what kleptocrats and their friends do all the way to the bank.

Listen vb. what politicians pretend to do to their constituents.

Loyal adj. a state of mindlessness encouraged by politicians so they can keep their seats.

Mammon n. a god more powerful than Jesus (see ‘hinny’).

Milk vb. & n. what politicians do to the Treasury and then claim that the land is flowing with it and honey.

Near adj. what the drop in the murder rate always is.

Note n. pieces of paper that run the country, whether presented in Cabinet or in small unmarked ones.

Obeisance n. an effective technique for keeping one’s job (see ‘Cabinet’).

Opinion n. a view which is right when it praises the government and wrong when it doesn’t.

Ostrich n. a large, flightless bird, suitable for National Security Minister.

Pad vb. the real function of the government housing programme.

Prehistoric adj. an inaccurate term, since all history is accurately recorded from the beginning of the universe (see ‘Bible’).

Questionable adj. description of most Government projects (see ‘bribe’).

Quick adj. the rate at which the Government is spending the country’s oil and gas dollars.

Radio n. a device that, in talk format, is used to show that the Government has support from housewives, retirees, and the semi-employed.

Rent n. the market rate paid for occupation of a dwelling, unless you’re a party supporter (see ‘pad’).

Righteous adj. a qualification that provides solutions to all possible problems, and even a few impossible ones (see ‘Bible’).

Slow adj. the rate at which the Government is solving the country’s problems.

Spendthrift n. what the Prime Minister who can’t be king becomes instead.

Think vb. something not to be done before speaking, acting, or making public policy (see ‘belief’).

Truth n. that which politicians always claim to speak, especially when they are lying.

Ulterior adj. a motive no politician is without.

US pr. the group that is always morally better than them.

Vain adj. every crime plan tried so far (see ‘near’).

Wave vb. what is done with rag, gun, or after visiting jail.

Wine n. a bodily movement made by Trinis at Carnival time, and by politicians on Trinis all the time (see ‘jam’).

Young adj. an attribute which, when combined with black and poor, makes murderers.

Zebra n. a creature with black-and white stripes which, when elected to office, pretends to be all-black.

E-mail: