What my mother told me

Today, innocence does not last long. We have little women and men wearing smaller versions of adult styles, they have a fondness for obscene language, music with strong sexual messages and obscene language, they get quick initiation into sex games. There are parents contributing to younger and younger children being exposed to the adult world without equipping them with knowledge and advice to cope with the consequences.

As I began entering my teen years, I wanted to wear lipstick but my mother (a generation gap or two between us) insisted that I start off with a lip gloss before graduating to a pink lipstick. Red was the goal.

Going out liming from the age of 16 inevitably evoked different cautions.

Among them: walk with vex money, don’t accept drinks from strangers, don’t leave drinks unattended, don’t go out with one person and leave them somewhere to go off with someone else, know how I am coming home.

There were a few times my friend Alicia and I got rides to the club and returned home with different people — acquaintances and friends who were at the club.

The dangers of young women going out alone were illustrated one night at a club when a man tried to talk to me at the bar. He smiled and started talking and I walked off completely ignoring him. He followed me just to shout nasty things and his voice was drowned out by the music. If he was mildly attractive I may have listened (but good-looking does not equal great conversation as liming with a rugby player showed). Another example of how creepy the situation could be happened on another night when we tried to mop a drop with an acquaintance who said if we were “nice” to him he’d give us a lift home. When we were in real dire straits, my mother came to the rescue. She was a light sleeper when I went out.

My mother and I had several disagreements about clothes. She is a great seamstress and as a teen she sewed many of my clothes. You would think having my own personal seamstress meant I had all the styles I wanted. Think again. Our views differed on hem length and fit. I liked short and fitted, she did not. So what would look one way in a magazine picture ended up looking quite different in reality.

But I wore the clothes she made the way she made them because I could not go out in the same outfit all the time.

Sometimes it is ironic that the same woman who was against tight, fitted and skimpy clothing has no problem with me playing mas in bikini and beads. She has no problem with the costumes although (wearing a thong is a big NO). She was an avid mas player in her time.

Regarding how I behaved in public, she often spoke of “reputation”. I argued that I did not care what strangers thought. But her mantra must have had an impact because I made up my own rule not to do anything that would degrade or put me in harm’s way. Little things that matter.

Growing up, my uncles and aunts did not curse around me, some are drinkers and smokers but never encouraged me in either (as an adult I made my own choice). I was not privy to their “big people” conversations, and would not put God out of my thoughts to use obscene language with my mother in earshot.

I am glad my teen years were not a rush to adulthood and that my mother voiced her expectations.

Now I have my own.