Dealing with domestic violence

Last Saturday, 42-year-old Stephen Salazar strangled his wife, 42-year-old Indra Radaye Rampersad, to death. Salazar then killed himself. On Sunday, which was Father’s Day, Annand Seepersad poisoned his seven-year-old daughter Lilly and his six-year-old son, Adesh. The girl died, and the boy is in critical condition in the hospital. Seepersad also committed suicide. And, on Monday, Marcia Pettypaul Mohammed was stabbed to death by a male relative. The police have since held a suspect.

In all these cases, the men were estranged from the women. Their acts were committed in the grip of overpowering jealousy, rage, and vengefulness. And this shows the limits of the law in helping to reduce domestic violence. There can be no argument that such laws are necessary — laws which make it illegal for a husband to hit his wife, or even have sex with her against her will; laws which allow women to take out restraining orders against men who stalk and harass them; and laws which allow women to get a divorce without too much trouble. We must bear in mind that all such laws are of relatively recent vintage in our society, and that there are still countries in the world where women do not have the least of these protections.

However, when a man’s more primitive sensibilities overtake him, then the law will not restrain his savagery. Seepersad wanted to hurt his estranged wife more than he wanted to live. That is why he fed his children poison and then killed himself. Salazar thought his wife was being unfaithful, and in his mind this was sufficient justification to kill her and then himself.

There is nothing that can be done about jealousy and conflict. These emotions are part and parcel of sexual and romantic relationships. However, there is something that can be done about what action people take, especially men, when jealousy and conflict arise. There is no society where people do not have domestic disputes. But there are societies where very few men resort to violence and murder to end such disputes.

These societies are ones where the law ensures that women have the same status as men, because the importance of law in this issue is not only to give women power, but also to lay down cultural codes that persuade men to treat women as equal human beings, rather than property. They are also societies with open and tolerant attitudes in gender issues. In our society, however, there are still strong cultural traditions which explicitly enjoin a woman to be “obedient” to her husband. To be sure, those same traditions also enjoin the husband to treat his wife well, but an exhortation that appeals to power will always trump an exhortation that appeals to goodwill.

This is why legislation such as the Draft Gender Policy is so important. Such a policy tells citizens what kind of society we want to create — and surely no reasonable person can argue that we actually want a society where women are second-class persons. Yet some persons, who are not reasonable, do in fact argue just this — that women should be lesser partners in their domestic relations, and therefore any move by the State to grant them equal rights undermines that domestic arrangement.

This is the kind of attitude which can only be overcome by re-educating men and women about gender roles. Girls, in particular, must internalise the danger signs to look for before they choose a partner. They must also be given incentives to delay having children, for it is no coincidence that most women who are killed by their spouses have become pregnant and/or married very young, usually in their teens. Changing social attitudes is no easy task, however, and happens only slowly. But this just means that, if the powers-that-be really want to reduce domestic violence, measures to do so must be decisive and implemented sooner rather than later.