200 Years of love

Together the Karims and Pilgrims, celebrants of their 50th wedding anniversary, the Singhs and Madhoos have accumulated over 200 years of wedded bliss, tough times, happy times, good and bad.

However did they do it — make their marriage work in spite of all the hardships that few families are immune to, and the general modern trend of break-ups before couples can mark five years? “It wasn’t easy!” they said. Though they had lots to say, all agreed that “doing things together” and “putting up with each other” were keys to success. The only impediment now is old age said 70-year-old Israel Karim. “My wife (Miriam, 68) and I feel very happy to celebrate fifty years because not everybody live to see that, but our health is not the best. I have sugar, pressure and heart problems and my wife too, isn’t well,” he said. The Karims of Chaguanas, celebrated their golden anniversary at their home on May 31. Family and friends numbering over 100 attended. Karim absorbed the fine words of commendation delivered by his daughter Farina, then he too, on behalf of his wife said a prayer.

The Karims were married in 1953, a time he said, when “money was small but I could still move about, not like now with so much kidnapping.” “Our marriage wasn’t arranged. I lived in Cunupia and I had to pass near Miriam’s home in Montrose to get to my (auto) garage so I used to see her,” he remembered clearly. They have four children and eight grandchildren. Their eldest child is 48. Karim sighed. He said that getting to where they are now took many sacrifices. “The mechanic work was slow and didn’t bring in much finance and my wife opened up a roti shop to help make ends meet. That is how we got the children to secondary school and so on... My wife is very faithful, hardworking and understandable,” he added. He surmised: “Sacrifice, pleasing one another and understanding one another made our 50 years work.” Of course, he looked forward to more years of marriage. He didn’t fail to give some advice to newly weds. Karim said: “...sacrifice...like the little money you working for, save, whether to save to buy land. Yuh eyes will be on food, but doh eat all!”

Charlton and Joan Pilgrim also celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary. At a reception held at the Scarlet Ibis Room, Hilton Trinidad their daughters Cheryl and Carol treated the two to a memorable evening. The Pilgrims were married on June 19, 1953.

“We looked forward to that day, actually my husband was hoping he would be able to celebrate it because he isn’t well,” said Mrs Pilgrim, 75. Her husband is 85 years old. The event was touching. She recalled: “I sang for him,” the words of ‘When I fall in love’ by Nat King Cole. “And you know he came up and sang the ending of the song with me too...” Mrs Pilgrim still remembered the words Rev Buxo, marriage officer, told her on the day of her wedding at St Agnes Anglican Church: ‘When arguments arise, always remember that you are never right’. “I was young at the time. I didn’t realise why he said this until later on. And it’s true, someone’s got to give in because there will always be a misunderstanding. If you keep on...you will never get anywhere.”

Mrs Pilgrim said the happiest moment of her life came when she gave birth to her first daughter, Carol. “I figured that after marriage, having to start a family is good. I was very, very happy,” said the former Glendennings employee of 30 years. Her husband is from Manzanilla and she is from Belmont. The two moved to Morvant where they now reside. Mrs Pilgrim’s secret to a happy marriage: “Communication is very important, so is commitment and tolerance. Never hide anything from your mate. We always tried to go to bed having solved our differences. We tried to make up before daylight,” she said in accordance with the Scriptures. Describing her husband she said: “He’s okay, he’s the type that wouldn’t prevent me from going anywhere I want to go because I’ve been all over the world. He wasn’t the jealous type.”

The Singhs were glad to mark three celebrations — their 50th wedding anniversary, their 60th and 65th. Rampersad, 86, and Phagmania Singh, 82, were married on July 1, 1938. At their home in Indian Walk, Moruga, family gathered for (Hindu) prayers. The Rampersads were also planning a get together, pending the recovery of Mr Rampersad who recently suffered a heart attack. When Phagmania visited her husband at the nursing home last Tuesday, she was happy to hear of his improvement. “He tell me he feeling better and want to come home,” she said. Though their marriage was arranged, the Singhs boast of “unity” and “living good” with each other for 65 years. “I born and grow up in Moruga Road, St Mary’s village and come to live in Indian Walk. My husband was a canefarmer and I was a housewife... Long ago people used to say marriage was ‘cat in bag’ because yuh never meet anybody, no boys coming and going and you going out with them. I grew up in a strict home. I didn’t get to see my husband until the day of the wedding. And then for three days I had a lokhani, a big ole lady with meh,” Phagmania remembered.

The couple has 10 children, nine girls and one boy. The oldest is 69 years. They have 34 grandchildren and 16 great grandchildren. Phagmania doesn’t regret her life course. She loves her husband, she said, simply because he’s “very kind and loving.” Mohanlal and Shirley Madhoo of Orange Field Road, Carapichaima have been married for 38 years. They celebrated their wedding anniversary on June 20. Their five children and three grandchildren commemorated the occasion with prayers in a small gathering. “We’re still happy,” said Shirley, 58. Her husband, a retired clerk of Caroni Ltd is 60. She described him as a “quiet person. We met at a Kirpalani’s store I used to run when I left school and he used to come in and buy records. He used to sing in a band at the time.” Shirley recalled their early years at Ravine Sable, Caroni, where they lived. “We didn’t have lights and water, we had what they called Delco and we made out,” she said. The secret to a happy marriage she said: “We understand each other. We argue a little bit but we don’t let it go too far.” She looks forward to many more years, she said, with her loving husband.