No children allowed at the wedding

THE rules of wedding etiquette have gradually become modified to conform to common sense in the world in which we now live. Your wedding day is your wedding day and you have a right to have things your way BUT, you must remain gracious, kind and hospitable at the same time. When you reach the point where you run the risk of offending your guests, wedding party, or loved ones, or operating amidst an air of self-centeredness, it is time to take an extremely close look at your decisions and actions. A thorny issue arising out of wedding invitations is the “no children” request by some couples who do not want children at their reception. Reasons may range from trying to lower costs by trimming the guests list, to simply not wanting to put up with potential crying, wailing, or hyperactivity from the little ones.

The debate on this topic can get fierce. Some people argue that it is rude and improper to exclude the younger members of a family on the guest list. Some insist that a wedding is all about family and the circle of life, and that eliminating children is therefore inappropriate. If you are thinking about the option of an Adults Only wedding, it’s critically important to consider the matter carefully and realise that some may indeed find this to be a tad offensive, ungracious, or downright cold. Weddings are not typically adult-only events — in fact, throughout history, children have played an important role in the symbolism associated with weddings — and therefore some might be offended that you are dictating that they must leave their little ones at home. If, after careful consideration, you decide that this is the way it is going to be, you should follow these rules for this delicate situation:

Indicate the reception is to be adults only by having the words “Adults Only Reception” or “Adult Reception” printed along with the location and time on the invitation. Do not use phrases such as NO KIDS, NO CHILDREN, etc. The only correct wording is Adult Reception or Adults Only Reception. This information should be printed by the printer on all invitations. You must never write anything by hand onto the invitation itself — whether it pertains to this or any other matter. Doing so is considered socially incorrect (in other words, tacky!) and inappropriate. If you are excluding some children, the rule is  you must exclude all children. There must not be different rules for different people or some individuals will be deeply offended and hurt — and rightly so. The only possible exception to this would be any children who are in the wedding party. However, the jury is out in this area.

While some etiquette experts feel that it may be alright to make this exception, there is a stronger belief that if the reception is to be adults only, no children should be included as part of the wedding party. Otherwise, parents of children who were not allowed to attend may feel slighted that clearly some exceptions are being made to allow children, while they were instructed to leave their kids behind. You may think this to be a little unfair. After all, you are probably very familiar with the children in your wedding party and you probably selected them on the basis of their exemplary behaviour in public, while the same may not necessarily be true of the other children. It is for this precise reason that the jury remains out on this one. Give it some careful thought and if unsure, err on the side of caution by ensuring that no children really means NO children to avoid appearing offensive to any of your guests. If cost issues are the reasons for contemplating the Adults Only route, most caterers have children’s menus from which they will serve kids under 12 years of age, at a lower cost.

Inquire from your caterer about the availability of child’s plates. This may solve the entire dilemma for you so that everyone can end up happy. And what if someone does show up with their children, despite it all? Do you say something to them? Do you send someone over to ream them out? Don’t even dream it. What good would that possibly do? Done is done. No sense in creating an unpleasant, uncomfortable situation. Nothing could be more unbecoming of a bride, groom, or host. Best advice? Take a deep breath, then let it go. Put it out of your mind and get on with having a good time. This day is going to fly by faster than you’ll ever want as it is; don’t waste a single moment of it caught up in negativity. Think happy thoughts on this day...happy thoughts only. Remember, this is the best day of your life! Enjoy it for heaven’s sake!