They call me Dr Rose

ROSHINDER SINGH, 19, continues on the adventure of a lifetime — volunteering with the Missionaries of Charity in Ethiopia, on the other side of the globe from her home in Trinidad. She has been recounting her experiences in a series of e-mails to relatives and friends, giving some gripping and occasionally sobering accounts of her experiences with orphans, AIDS patients and victims of domestic abuse and rape in a country ravaged by poverty and political strife.

JUNE 15

Hello Everyone! Thank you all for your emails — it was exactly what I needed. I never realised how stubborn I can be thinking that I can do all of this on my own when in fact I need you all more than anything! Today was a weird day (though they always are, but this one was one to remember). I woke up early this morning to help a special patient of mine because I always end up spending almost two hours on her. Her husband raped her and threw acid all over her, and to clean it up, bandage etc, it takes a long time. I went to the room, and her bed was empty and I saw a candle lit underneath her bed. No other patient affected me the way she did. She never cried, never complained, she gave the definition of strength and courage! I cry every time I try to help her. But when I saw that she wasn’t  there, and with a candle on her bed — I knew she had died.

I stood looking at her bed and took off my coat and sat on her bed and just bawled. I felt as though I had failed — as though all the hard work to keep her going meant and did nothing. I had so many thoughts of just giving up and finally realising that by volunteering, doesn’t mean it actually helps anyone or the situation here. But then, a miracle happened and a nurse ran to me when she saw me crying. She spoke Amharic (Ethiopian Language) and I tried explaining to her that I was pissed off that my patient died. And then she finally realised what I was trying to say and she said, “appointment..hospital.” I never hugged someone so tightly and for so long in my entire life! It was as though I had won the lottery. So, she didn’t die on me, she just went for some professional help since it was clear that I wasn’t helping her.

Then, last week Saturday, one of the sisters had told me that there was this old lady who had AIDS and that I should keep her company because she was very lonely and depressed. So I went into her room and I brought some music, a magazine for her to read, and my pictures that I brought with me from home. She wasn’t smiling, and she seemed angry that I was there trying to make her feel better. I finally sat down on her bed and began to show her my pictures. She took them from me and I left her to go and get her some water to drink. When I came back I saw that she had a picture in her hand and she was ripping off the tape from her arm from one of her wounds. She was sticking the picture on her wall! I couldn’t see what picture it was because she was blocking it when she was pinning it up. She turned around and gave me the biggest smile ever (with no teeth). It was a picture of me and my friend Bruce when we were in Toronto!

I was so confused and I asked her why she wanted to keep it. Of course she was speaking but I had no clue what she was saying but then she took my hand and placed it on her arm to show me that she had goose bumps. I asked her if she was cold and she only shook her head and kept on smiling staring at the picture. But then today, the sister came up to me and gave the picture back to me. She told me that the lady had passed away that morning. I was so sad, not only because she died but because I never got to find out why she liked my picture so much. Today, there were over 70 patients that I had to take care of. I had to take the puss out of a man’s genitals (puke), I took care of a man with cancer, a man with a broken leg, a woman with TB who weighed as much as my finger, and much, much more . . .  There is this doctor from Belgium who I worked with today and after we had finished for the day he asked, “How long have you been a doctor for?” And I laughed and said, “I’m 19 . . . and I’m not studying to become a doctor.” He was in shock! He couldn’t believe that I have been doing this for only six days. I felt proud.

Today I realised that I finally took a chance on something. For the first time in my life, I made one of the biggest decisions on coming to Ethiopia — and I can proudly say with a sigh of relief, that I actually heard what my heart was trying to tell me. People always ask me, “Why risk so much? Why Ethiopia?” And it is always the hardest question ever to answer. Even after this experience I still wouldn’t be able to answer. But I do know that it is the things that cannot be explained that contain the most truth. A sister came up to me when I was giving a little girl an injection and she asked, “Is love enough?” And I answered right away, “Definitely.” Love You, Miss You, Cannot wait to see you again

ROSHINDER

JUNE 16

Salam!
Another incredibly busy day! The weather was so hot and my body has finally (as expected) given out on me. I couldn’t move after a while — my back, my head, my heart. The sister came up to me and begged me to take a day off. So I promised her I would. I woke up this morning, packed a bag to go visit a place with lions and tigers and cubs, and I was walking outside and a man was hyperventilating in the drain. I ran back inside, put my bag down, put my uniform on, got my kit and went straight to work.

It’s sad to say, but now things have been getting too easy. Nothing ever seems to surprise me anymore. I have become very good at what I do so I have been finishing work almost three hours early. My patients are all getting better, so I don’t ever have to do much, and now the volunteers just keep on coming and coming — which means, they are invading my territory! Yeah, yeah, it’s good they want to help and all, but I’m here so they can go on back home now. Just kidding (kinda). Today, I was working in the men’s ward and I was feeding a man milk, when this mentally ill man came up to me and started kissing me (they do that as a sign of gratitude.) But he just would not leave me alone. Then all of a sudden! Shred, rip, unbutton. He began ripping my uniform off! The workers had to run and inject him to get him off me.

I wasn’t scared but just annoyed (I was working overtime and I felt as though I was going mad for working so long). So now, I have only one uniform to work with. Besides the fact that the men got their first peep show in a very long time, they all seemed to have gotten a little better — they looked a little healthier. Maybe I should flash them more often (Again, kidding). I was supposed to go to the Red Cross today but because of the many journalists from America and England trying their best to spread the news of Ethiopia and their new war, they won’t let foreigners help them in case we take pictures or report the stories. I got very angry because one, I have enough respect for the victims to never show their agony to the world, and two, I wanted to help! Of course, it was my lunch break and since I couldn’t go, I’m very proud to say, that I stayed in and ate lunch with my friends, they were shocked! Normally, I work on my lunch break which is ironically when the most help is needed.

There will be 13 people from Spain coming next week to help which makes at least 20 something volunteers. No way will I be wasting my time trying my best to find work since there would be so much help. So I am going to a place called Bale in Ethiopia, which is the poorest and the place where help is most needed. (To the point where 100 volunteers wouldn’t be enough). I am very excited because not only would I finally get to see the “real” Africa, but I will see the people in tribes, get to work constantly and really help those (especially children) who have never received love or compassion. This means definitely no Internet, maybe a phone, but I will keep you updated. Here it is like being in the Mesopotamian times or something. We have to try our best to make do with the technology and knowledge that we have. A man with cancer had a tumour in his face and it was spreading. The only thing I could have done, was cut open his face, stick a tube in his cheek and try to squeeze the tumour out (ie, blood, puss, etc).

I am proud to say that my name here is Dr Rose. They cannot pronounce my name here so they call me Rose . . . I like it.) Everywhere I go they smile, they run up to me and hug me or kiss me, and just seeing their eyes and seeing their happiness in seeing ME, is so incredibly rewarding. Never in my life will money be important anymore. I would not care if I have to volunteer because I need absolutely nothing more than what I have now. I would live without chocolate, without my bed, without warm water, or without television. It is so easy to love a life where happiness and warmth is everywhere which is very weird since I must see at least five to ten people die a day.

The children make my day and make everything worthwhile! I played soccer with them and they played with a tennis ball. It is amazing how anything makes them happy and content. I wish I was like that. I had a headache today and I complained while helping a woman with TB. I realised how dumb my complaint was compared to the pain she had. The people in Ethiopia are the most beautiful people I have ever seen. They are mixed and they have really sharp features. Apparently, I look Ethiopian. I always say, “Ooook . . . thanks!” People come up to me and tell me that I am beautiful and they say all these nice things and I always get so confused and blown away because my hair is in a mess due to all the stress, I probably smell of the scent here, I have no makeup on, wear my uniform with stains of blood, and I haven’t seen my reflection in over a week.

I always wonder whether I’m giving them the wrong medication because they are crazy  . . . but it’s nice to know and hear . . . comforting to know that I don’t need makeup or have to shower, or wear fancy clothes! (don’t worry, when I get home, I’ll still take a shower...every now and then...hee hee). My pants have become very big and my watch keeps falling off. I got very scared so I went and ate lots of bread, and cheese and jam today. After seeing how skinny looks like here, never in my life would I ever want to lose weight again. Wow, sorry. Didn’t expect to write so much. I am very sorry I keep on missing all of your phone calls but I’m never home! I’ll try my best to come in on time. Thank you all again for your e-mails. It’s very nice to know that some of you finally understand why I wanted this so much. I love you and miss you.

DR ROSE