From Ethiopia to Rome ...but it’s so hard to say goodbye

AUGUST 5:

I CAN’T believe I am saying this, but in less than four hours, I’ll be on my way home. It seems as though I am dreaming and it’s not true. The hardest thing I have ever had to face was saying goodbye to the patients and the sisters... but also, the most rewarding. Of course, I cried and I’m still trying my best to stop. I went to church after and oh my Lord, I probably pissed a lot of people off because I was sniffing and sobbing for the whole hour.

I woke up this morning trying my best to act as though nothing was happening. I would be going home and today was going to be just one of those days. But no, no one here allowed it. People were crying since I began work, I had received cards, hand made crafts, and other gifts. Also, it was impossible for me to forget that in a little while, I’ll be leaving the only place where I feel as though I might belong.

Of course, home in Trinidad is my home, but to me, it never will be a place where I feel as though I would be put to good use. It sounds horrible, but I cannot help but feel that way. My home is somewhere else, and I’m still on a look out for it.

In a few weeks, I’ll be starting my new life in Rome, Italy for four years. How am I going to do it? I don’t have a clue. I have made so many good friends here from Spain, Italy, Lebanon, Germany, England, Sweden, that it is so possible that I can easily visit them or they can visit me. Now I know, that I won’t be alone for Christmas this year although I wouldn’t be going home to Trinidad. Of course, it wouldn’t be the same, but I know I have a huge family in Europe.

This has been an adventure of a lifetime. I wouldn’t have traded it for anything in the world. This has been a "calling" as some would say, but for me I like to call it "the beginning." I feel as though my life began the day I arrived here, and when I promised the people here that I would be back next year, I mean it with all of my heart.

I cannot describe the sadness that I feel leaving here. It feels as though I am abandoning my patients, leaving my family, and going on to my too easy life once again. In the beginning, I saw my trip to Ethiopia as an experience, but that word seems so stupid and little. This was much more than an experience. It was a blessing.

I appreciate my family a million times more and life a billion times more. I have discovered so many things about myself — good and bad. The people that I have met here have sculpted my outlook, my personality and my values.

I have fallen in love for the first time. (Just to make the trip even more difficult, of course.) His name is Rayan and he is someone I feel as though I could possibly always love. His mother is opening a restaurant in Rome in December and it makes me feel as though I can’t be wrong about him. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would fall head over heels with someone in Ethiopia. But one thing I learned about this trip, is that really, anything is possible.

The people here thank me and they act as though I am doing this because I have to, but they don’t realise, that I am them. The reason why I love all of them so much, is because I finally found that group of people who I don’t have to speak to — they just always know. (I’m talking about the patients, by the way.) I don’t speak their language, but all I have to do is smile, and take care of them the best way I know how. My family and friends are petrified that I severely and drastically changed. It takes a strong person to stand on their own two feet and to always remember who they are and what is important. I am strong, and I have done that. My sense of humour, my optimism, my girliness, is still with me 100 percent.

I have changed in many other ways, but for the better. I cannot think of one, single negative point that has come out of this trip . . . no matter how hard I try. Maybe when it comes to my friends, I have learned who the real ones are, and who aren’t.

I am petrified to go back home because it will be a very difficult adjustment. I want to be home for a week, no phone, no Internet, nothing. I just want to be with my family and my best friends and try my best to move on. I cannot ever, ever, ever forget this journey for it has been the best time of my life. This country is one of the most beautiful countries in the world. The poverty doesn’t even show for the beauty and innocence in the people shine through.

I pray that I made my family proud and I hope with all of my heart, that I worked well according to God’s plan. I hope He can smile down on me and know that I tried my absolute best and that at the end of the day, all of my hard work was just for Him.

I can go on and on, but I’m crying and embarrassing myself right now in front of a lot of people. But to all of those who took the time to read my long and tedious e-mails, thank you, thank you, thank you. I hope you felt as though you were on my journey next to me, and I hope you were with me as I slowly grew up.

I can’t believe it. This just cannot be possible. I can’t leave... it feels wrong. When I left home to come here, I was 110 percent sure that I was doing the right thing. I need my family more than anything. Their laughter, their warmth, their company is something that I have come to learn to appreciate more than anything in the world. I will go home for them.

Once again, Thank you. God Bless. And may you never stop searching for the truth and for peace. Salam Alat.

Love Always,

Roshinder Singh