Stick to the dress code

Dress Code: If you are going somewhere following an invitation it is essential that you follow the dress code indicated. To do anything else is rude in the extreme. If it is not obvious what the dress code is you can telephone and find out. Remember that informal does not mean casual. Show respect for your hosts.

Gifts: If someone shows you a courtesy by inviting you somewhere you should repay the courtesy with a small gift at the time and a return invitation on a later date. The value of the gift is less important than the thought.

Flowers should be sent on prior to the event or following it. You should not take them with you, as they require immediate attention.

In the beginning: Wait for everyone to be seated before you start. Don’t start before the hostess and follow her lead. The hostess may suggest people don’t wait in case food gets cold. In this case by all means start.

When you are at the Table:

• Show care and self-control. Sit upright, no slouching or leaning over the table, keep your elbows off the table and by your side.

• Stay in your own personal space and do not put your personal stuff, such as mobiles, pagers, cigarettes, on the table.

• Do not leave the table and wander around during a meal. If you need to leave the room for any reason don’t forget to say ‘excuse me’ to the hostess before rising.

• Side Plate – This gives many people cause for concern. It is the small plate on your left. Learn this. Being left-handed is no excuse for using the wrong one.

• Never help yourself without helping others first. Pace your eating and drinking. Never, ever fill up your own plate or glass at table unless you can fill up the plates and glasses of others around you first. Never force food on anyone

• Never eat or drink before the host invites you to. From aperitifs through to the end of the meal follow the lead of the host. This still remains one of the biggest mistakes you can make. Even at the most relaxed gathering the host will invite you to eat or/and drink. Wait until that happens. Remember you do not have to drink alcohol and it is perfectly acceptable to ask for mineral water.

• Where service is involved the hostess should always be served first unless the meal has a guest of honour. In this case the guest of honour is served first. A good example of this would be a wedding breakfast where the bride and groom are the guests of honour and will always be first served.

• Eat with your mouth closed, keep eating and drinking noises to a minimum. You could make noodles an exception as to cut them is regarded as unlucky so slurping them is probably the only way. Pace your eating and drinking. Find something in the meal to compliment.

It is best not to pick up any food with your hands at the table; if cutlery is laid then it should be used. If a finger bowl or hot towel appears then that would be an indication that finger food is permitted or expected.

Cutlery should be selected from the outside of the place setting inward. However, remember that it is only a minor issue if you get it wrong; there are bigger crimes you can commit at the table and if in doubt, follow the hostess. Some foods have special cutlery and rules for eating e.g. snails it is best to eat what you are served unless there is something on your plate to which you are allergic or you have some other significant reason. If the service is such that you help yourself you are obliged to eat everything you put on your plate, so beware and be careful.

• Toothpicks: These now belong in the bathroom. It is best not to use these in public unless you are at a 1960’s revival dinner.

• Smoking between courses — An absolute no no. Not even if you excuse yourself and go outside. It is rude to the hostess to smoke between courses.

Discussions and Conversations: It is essential that you keep your temper under control and your demeanour calm. Be cautious about using ‘throw away lines’ or inappropriate humour. You can be assertive if other guests try to bully you into discussions you do not think are appropriate for the dinner table. On social occasions try "75 per cent listening" and "25 per cent talking".

Do not leave the table until the hostess indicates the meal is at an end. If you need to leave the table before the end say "excuse me" and leave your napkin on your chair not on the table where it will look untidy.

Thank-You: You should remember to say thank you the next day. Use an appropriate style; a text message is OK in the right circumstances, as is e-mail, both for semi-formal events. If the event was very formal, say with a written invitation, then a hand-written thank you is better. However, please don’t rely on thank you cards unless you put a proper hand written note on the card.