A woman of substance

I’m not a person that sets much store by external validation or vilification but it’s nice to be recognised every now and again. It is all a matter of perspective and values and those are completely subjective. What one individual considers substance, another calls difficult and unreasonable.

It is not easy being a person of substance in today’s society. In addition to the knocks you take in the process, there is the self-sacrifice and extreme patience required. Additionally, you have to endure the ridicule of those who choose to live by a different set of values. Being a woman or man of substance is a conscious decision you must make and commit yourself to and be ready to pay the cost.

Having substance means embracing very specific values and being willing to not just talk about it but actually live those values. That is no easy feat. When others get the luxury of wearing nice clothes and driving nice cars, even chatting over the latest handset, a person of substance is busy sacrificing and working toward a long-term goal. This is equally true if you are a mother investing in her children or have decided to pursue tertiary education. Sacrificing in the short term, to do the things that need to be done for long term success, is not easy. We all know a person (or two or more) that is experiencing extreme hardship, the kind where you just have to ban your belly, keep your head down and not look left or right until it’s over. We also know an individual or two that went for the quick fix and landed in a whole heap of trouble further down the road. It simply comes down to a single question, are you going

to have character or be a character?

I am reminded of an article I read some years ago about a mother that rented out her home and slept on the porch to help raise money to put her two sons through law school in the UK. When her sons were admitted to the bar, unlike other stories that spoke of the lawyers struggle to succeed, the story of these two guys was about the incredible sacrifice of their mother that made it possible for them to be there. That is what it means to be a person of substance. It is difficult for a long time and the cost is high but the pay off at the end is even sweeter.

I have a saying, if it was easy everyone would do it. I think substance is the thing that can really differentiate one individual from the designer clad, branded, faceless throngs. There are few willing to make the sacrifice to get to the next level, of developing character or success. We don’t want to have to sacrifice for anything anymore. Somehow over the years we have become a society obsessed with instant gratification. Unfortunately there isn’t a credit card that can buy or a website where you can get character and substance. You get these two the same way individuals have for millennia, through hard times and sacrifice. All those lovely values we casually claim, but have yet to be tested, are nothing more than conjecture until they survive some real hard times. When you claim a certain set of values but live by another, that doesn’t make you a man or woman of substance, it makes you a hypocrite. In the real world you don’t get credit for the work you don’t do.

We tend to have a shortcut culture, where we buy degrees to get the fancy posts or pretend we have a qualification we haven’t earned or just brazenly steal money rather than work for it. These methods ensure temporary success but if you sacrifice and pay your dues, no forensic audit in the future can take it away from you. Don’t be fooled by luxury cars and palatial residences, designer clothes or the latest tech toys. These things are all fleeting and if earned fraudulently, won’t be around for long. What matters is what you are made of as an individual. Someone that can’t succeed without nepotism and cronyism, won’t survive outside the small pond that is Trinidad and Tobago. A person of substance will have the tenacity to survive and the will to endure and will flourish no matter the environment.

I make no apologies for being a woman of substance. I’ve paid a great price to be such and I work at it daily. I made a decision to make my child my priority and that does not make me unreasonable or difficult. It makes me a mother that puts her child first. There is only a limited time when my child would need these investments of my time and resources, it won’t be forever. So now is when I make him a priority. There isn’t a lime or fete that takes precedence over his needs in my opinion. When he’s grown and no longer needs me, I wiIl be first in line for every party and I won’t be apologising then either. Want to raise children with good character? The best way to do it is to become a person of good character and substance yourself. Model that life and be a good example. In today’s world, where brass-faced hypocrisy seems to be the order of the day, the way you live your life may be the only chance for your children to see how to live with subst