Teach children coping skills

This week at a Joint Select Committee meeting of Parliament President of the Trinidad and Tobago Association of Psychologists Dr Katija Khan, citing a statement from a stakeholder at a meeting to develop a National Suicide Plan, reported that more than 400 primary and secondary school students are on suicide watch due to some degree of mental illness .

Isava, who is based in Maryland, US, was asked about this statistic by Sunday Newsday following his presentation, Discussion on Raising Resilient Children, Fostering Social and Emotional Development, held at Maple Leaf International School, Petit Valley .

“I’m not surprised that students are reporting suicide because as I mentioned (in my presentation) stress is the number manifestation that I see and I treat at least in the United States. With our ever changing society kids are increasingly stressed from the competitiveness and the demands that are placed on them .

And when they don’t have coping skills a default is to find avenues and with the promotion and the glamorisation of suicide it seems like a reasonable option without them having the mental capacity or ability to understand the ramifications,” he said .

He continued: “Consequently when kids respond to their stress by saying they want to kill themselves it is our obligation and responsibility as adults and educators and practitioners to respond in kind to the same level of response by saying there’s hope, there’s direction. Suicide is not the option.” He advised Government and mental health practitioners should then respond by doing either presentations on options beyond suicide or giving kids coping skills .

Isava said he would be happy to be involved in a local initiative as he has done this in the US where they had one of the highest suicide rates in the school system that he serviced .

During his presentation, Isava said parenting has changed so much in one generation and parents are now focusing on academic achievement instead of teaching children to be socially and emotionally strong .

He also said social/emotional learning or resiliency is not a priority for schools or in parenting .

He stressed that resilient kids can tolerate more and handle more stress .

Isava said with the internet it has “opened up the floodgates of disappointment and temptations He advised parents they should teach children to say no thank you so they can learn to pace themselves and have balance in their lives; teach them that “no” is a reasonable and acceptable answer to unrealistic questions; teach them to value winning and instead of saying “good job” have them understand how they won; and to teach them how to lose graciously .

His said instead of waiting until something happens and then react when you are emotionally charged you should “start picking fights with kids” .

He gave them example of saying you have a lot of cash and driving past KFC and when they ask you to buy it you tell them “no” .

He advised parents that they should dialogue about an infraction and give a message and then give consequences .

He added that too often parents jump too quickly to consequences and children do not learn resiliency. He also cautioned that if parents make empty threats it will show weakness to their kids. He advised parents to use key terms like safety, responsibility and respect, not to fight with teachers but work with them and to make resilient kids they have to become resilient themselves .