Expert: Suicide is impulsive in children

LifeLine coordinator Lucy Gabriel told Newsday, “Suicide is more impulsive in children because children live very much in the now. They don’t have an appreciation of the future. Adults tend to plan it but it can be just as impulsive.” She said bullying, whether was in school or cyber bullying, could lead to a child feeling cut off from others.

She said many times, when children say they are being bullied, the results were meetings and talks with the parents but no immediate, definitive action was taken. The parents instead would have to take the children out of the school, to see a psychologist, or both.

“When it comes to children there is a critical lack of authoritative action being taken. The bullied child is not given the support to fight back yet no action is taken against the bully, so the bullying continues and you leave that child with nowhere to go.

Therefore it must become very clear that nobody can be bullied in your classroom. Nobody is allowed to be bullied in your school because you would take swift action.” Gabriel lamented that people know too little about mental health and suicide because no one talks about it. She said while depression was a mental illness in the broadest sense, it was not like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, which could also lead to suicidal thoughts.

“We as a society need to open the doors and talk about it because it is presentable. People just don’t know enough about suicide and mental illness. That is a nut that has to be cracked.” She noted that some of the signs of someone having suicidal thoughts included insomnia, saying they want to kill themselves, giving their things way, and being upset virtually every day.

She said too often, the family of the person who committed suicide got blamed for their relative’s actions.

However she said once a person had made up their mind to kill themselves, they make sure that their family knew nothing about it by acting in a manner that alleviates all suspicion. For example, she said if the person had a tendency to get agitated or quarrel, when they make the decision to terminate their life, they would act as “normal” as possible.

“If something has been bothering you for a while and you found the answer to it, how would you feel? You’d feel calm, you’ve resolved the issue, no problem.” On the other hand, she said sometimes a person would say, “I feel to kill myself ” and the family would tell them to stop being stupid or dramatic. Also, sometimes family members do not discuss anything so it would be easier for the affected person to hide their feelings.

In the end, she said the family would be left devastated and may suffer from guilt. Also, she said once someone in the family committed suicide, other members of the family were more likely to do it as well.

“It becomes a way of solving a major problem. That is, unless they themselves go through the process of grieving about it, because it is harder to take than an ordinary death, and sort it out and look at the way they interact with each other as family.” Therefore, Gabriel said if you notice someone is disturbed about something, be open to discussing it and if you are unsure of what to do, call LifeLine.

She said it was important to sit and listen to the person and do not deny their feelings. “They feel cut off from other people? You bridge that gap by saying, ‘You tell me what it is like for you to be you. What is bothering you?’ Do not judge, give advise or criticise.

Listen and give their feelings the respect they deserve. Affirm their feelings. You are not pitying the person. It’s empathy.” She said when they feel that connection, the feeling to kill themselves would start to decrease.