Work-life balance: It’s all about equity!

Dear Promoted and Deflated,

Congratulations on your promotion! Know that you are not alone. According to a study published by the American Sociological Review, 70% of Americans struggle with finding a work-life system that works for them, and we see everyday evidence that it is an on-going battle locally as well. Balancing a career and family is a challenge for any professional. Add motherhood to the mix and you begin to feel overwhelmed. It is important that you give yourself credit for your accomplishments, both at work and at home. You have done well.

Many women struggle with work-life balance, and they feel time management is the answer to their woes. However, it is more an internal struggle, within our minds, than the skills we possess.

Work-life balance is really a psychological construct which we have allowed others to define for us. The term “work-life balance” suggests that there is an element of a divide, two different and distinct aspects of our lives, and it connotes that these elements are equal. If we try to separate work from life, we will always be frustrated and going on a guilt trip. Whether you feel guilty for leaving the office before 6 pm when there is still work to do, or guilty because you have to work until 6 pm, there is no way out.

When you focus too much on work at the expense of the rest of your life, you run the risk of your work taking over your sense of identity completely and becoming the only source of meaning in your life.

We must recognize that work is part of life and not separate and apart from life. Sometimes we just need to focus more on work - for example when there is a project deadline approaching – and sometimes we need to just focus on home because the situation warrants it, for example, an illness, a wedding, exams, or an important family event.

Ask yourself, “Where do I want to devote my time? What is my priority now? Can my family wait? Can my boss wait?” Your decision will always be based on what you value more at any given time, bearing in mind the long-term consequences. “Work-life balance” is a see-saw. “Balance” is whatever makes sense for you at a given point in time. “Balance” is never like a balanced scale.

As you adjust your mindset to disregard the concept of work-life balance and embrace the fluidity of life that includes work, here are some steps you can take to help you be less stressed and gain a sense of fulfilment: Wake up early. Getting up early gives you a sense of control over your day. You won’t be rushing to get to work.

Organize yourself at work. Get to work early and leave early. Every afternoon make a list of three main tasks you want to accomplish the following day.

Assume ownership of your time.

Manage distractions (like social media and idle conversations from the popular girl down the corridor who seems to have no work to do and always pops into your office) and stop procrastinating. Learn to say “No” sometimes.

Carve out time for your family each week. Go for dinner, ice-cream, have a family movie-night (movienight can be at home).

Do routine things together as a family - take mini local vacations, go to church or visit relatives or friends together, as a family.

Get support. Whether for your chores, or just good old moral support. Remember Gal Gadot plays wonder woman in the movie, you don’t have to play the role in real life.

Build downtime into your schedule. Set aside some “me time” to take care of yourself - meditate, exercise, find a hobby, go to the spa or just do absolutely nothing! Schedule a date night with your other half. Invest in your relationship.

Ensure you share at least one meal together as a family, if not daily, weekly.

Strive for equity not equality.

Equity tells us that all things are not created equally. Don’t frustrate yourself; accept that every day you will be adjusting the time you need to dedicate to your commitments at work and at home, and the time will not be equally spent on both fronts. Our choices in life are made based on our values, and because everyone’s values are different, everyone’s version of “life balance” will be different. You define what works for you. Work-life balance is a myth. It’s your life, live it on your terms.

AFETT is a not-for-profit organization formed in 2002 with the goal of bringing together professional women and engaging in networking opportunities, professional training and business ideas. ASK AFETT is a column meant to address issues and concerns of professionals seeking advice to assist in progressing in their careers.

Today’s response was written by AFETT member, Charlene Pedro, Managing Director, Conventus Consultinc and President of AFETT. Learn more about AFETT at www.afett.com, search for AFETT Events on Facebook, follow us @AFETTEXECS on Twitter or contact us at 354-7130. Email us your careerrelated questions at admin.afett@gmail.com.