Anya’s life was hell

The senior Ayoung-Chee described her daughter’s life as “hell” after a sex tape, featuring Anya, former boyfriend Wyatt Gallery and Miss Japan (at the time) Hiroko Mima, surfaced on the internet in 2009.

Ayoung-Chee said her daughter was devastated when the tape was leaked and was subsequently alienated by those she thought were close friends.

“What went on was enormously damaging. It damaged her, it damaged us as a family, ... it was hell. That is the only way I could describe it. Anya went through absolute hell and she struggled and struggled and struggled. She said what saved her initially is she went into warrior mode and as a result, so did I, because there was one thing that wasn’t going to happen, nobody was coming between me and her. I was standing in solidarity with her,” Ayoung-Chee told Sunday Newsday during an interview at the Little Carib Theatre, Woodbrook, on Friday night, after the Tallman Foundation’s 2011 graduation celebration.

During the ceremony, Anya delivered a pre-recorded video message to graduates. Recalling the sex tape scandal first up, Anya thanked those present for their support during her period of tribulation.

The Tallman Foundation was founded by the Ayoung-Chee family in 2004 in memory of Ayoung-Chee’s son, Pilar, who had died in a car crash.

“I will say without wanting to sound in any way embittered because I am not, but Anya suffered immensely from the manner in which she was treated in Trinidad during that so-called fall,” Ayoung-Chee said.

She said the pain Anya spoke about when she spoke about the incident in previous interviews came from the pain of the society that was imposed on her.

“No one gave her the benefit of the doubt, she lost innumerable jobs, she was alienated, people did not want to be associated with her. They moved away from her, including friends, including family members. It was absolutely dreadful, she was totally alienated, well not totally, significantly,” she said.

While she was supported by feminists, Ayoung-Chee said Anya also talked about the lack of solidarity among women from the leak of something that was intimate and private.

The senior Ayoung-Chee said although she was hurting at the time, she did not come out in public, to speak to the media, or to have a sexual ethics discussion, saying that was not my issue.

“My issue is what happened in the public space, and what happened in the public space was a breach of privacy. I’m afraid that most Trinidadians then, and even now, could not differentiate between the two things,” the proud mother said.

“They could not differentiate the sexual ethics issue, and you are entitled to your opinion and where you stand there, and that is open to a lot of interesting conversation, but healthy conversation, not salacious conversation.”

She added that sexual ethics was not a salacious issue, but should be had in a healthy, open way.

The breach of privacy issue, she said, was what the public space should have engaged, but completely missed.

Ayoung-Chee said when issues have a sexual component, people become confused.

“If this was a financial matter and some corporation had all their documents stolen by a computer company and then leaked for a reason, which it was leaked for Anya, deliberately to do an injustice, we would be having a different conversation. I would like to think that one day we would have a conversation like this and that what happened to her, people would have had enough time and space to be able to engage it on that sort of level and they could examine the breach of privacy issue,” she told Sunday Newsday.

“I think sexual ethics can be discussed, but it has to be discussed with a framework, with mindfulness, not what went on and I refused to have the conversation because nobody could have this conversation then,” she said.

Ayoung-Chee was most upset that while she, her husband and sons supported Anya during the scandal, her 15-year-old son was attending St Mary’s College and she was mortified that boys attending the school then had the tape on their cell phones.

“I think the ethical issues are also the fact that people saw it. They were not yours to see, yet people passed it on. I am still stunned that you could actually send that tape on to someone else when it’s not yours. I think a lot of people just had a good time,” she said.

“There is something in the human condition that can take you to the lowest of yourself and we saw a moment like that. In my view, individuals went to the lowest of themselves, and society went to the lowest of itself.”

She added, “Now we are celebrating Anya because she is grace under pressure. At that time she was seen as defiant, now it’s grace under pressure that she can stand so tall. Why? Because as she said in her feature address, she did the inner work.”

She said to combat the pain and betrayal, Anya went to a life coaching programme in the United States, where she “walked a very lonely, very courageous journey back into her true self”.

Her voice strong and unwavering, Ayoung-Chee said Anya has always been a true Trini to herself, unlike others who pick and choose.

“Listen, something happens tomorrow they’ll ditch Anya, you know. People could go right back there. Right now she’s flying high, she’s everybody’s glory girl, but I really wonder, I challenge people to have that courage and to have that solidarity when things... people are human, we are all human, we are complex, layered and we all live in contradiction. When are we going to grow up as a society and see it that way?”

While Ayoung-Chee said she could not answer for her daughter, the people who had deserted them in their time of need were now filtering back into their lives.

“People who were running away from me are now running toward me, and they are bringing friends, people who I never saw in my life,” she said incredulously.

Commenting on Anya’s journey for those long weeks on Project Runway, Ayoung-Chee admitted that they never expected her to win.

“We were all surprised Anya won. We were surprised Anya went past round one, probably because I had no idea what Project Runway was about. It was a first for me to see that show, then realising that it was a real design competition,” she admitted.

“There is a reality component, but at the end of the day I really think it is a design competition and the reality is a backdrop, it gives it viewership. I did not know how Anya would play on an international stage, we’d never seen her compete at that level.”

Ayoung-Chee said she knew her daughter had limited sewing skills, but knew that her strength lay in the dyeing of materials.

“She’s a beauty queen and people think that’s it, but that’s a very narrow slice and even that we have to get over. We have to start seeing people in a broader way. Then I saw she was actually starting to compete. It’s not like she was just sliding in, she held her own.

“Then she had a moment on the show when she did the raven dress. That was when I realised Anya had just started to emerge herself. She was like the raven, emerging, and the judges told us that when we went to Project Runway, that they saw Anya grow in front of their eyes,” the proud mother said.

“Something happened on that show to Anya, something really magical. When hard work meets passion, meets a belief in yourself ... If people could engage their passion and believe in themselves and learn to love themselves and do the hard work, there are no short cuts, it’s magical. She fell down, she stood up and I think today, I’m her mother, I really think anybody would agree with me, she could not be standing taller.”