The Helper- Opposite

Firstly, the wife is intended to be a “comfort” for the husband. She can do this because she is as human as his is. “…bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman,” exclaimed Adam. “Woman” here is the translation of the Hebrew word “ishshah” – meaning “taken out of man”. She can truly share his inner world, thoughts and perspectives – a degree of intimacy which can never be possible with animals, cars and gadgets. She can feel with and for him. It is this element of mutual comfort that helped glue together the friendship and courtship of the early days. Unfortunately, this expected, sweet, on-going inner-sharing is often sacrificed on the altars of marital necessities and accomplishments. This in turn can leave a real sense of aloneness in the midst of abundance and marriage; and we know “it is not good for the man to be alone.”

Secondly the wife is targeted to “complete” the husband. This is abundantly clear from her perfectly designed complimentarily sexual organs. In addition she possess an amazing womb that is able to incubate, grow and mature the fusion of the male sperm and female egg into a living, functioning human being. The Hebrew word “havvah”, translated “Eve”, denoting “the mother of all living” fully captures this dimension of the female. Wives are generally wired to give good and high returns on the investments sown into them and into their futures – whether money, education, property or business assets. Sometimes all it takes, in addition to the original capital, for tangible benefits and returns are words of encouragement and affirmation, together with decisive actions of positive support. This mastery of mutually complimenting and completing each other often forms the enduring test of the extended, middle-term of the marriage. Long after the initial, heady days of new discoveries are over.

Thirdly, wives are purposed to meaningfully “confront” their husbands. This can be tricky and requires good personal tact, maturity and control. This is one of the applied interpretations of the Hebrew “ezer kengedo” meaning “the helper according and opposite to”. This confrontation is aimed at keeping the marriage intact and on track – protected from unwarranted, blind-sided and/or dangerous outside interferences, deviations and stoppages. Some husbands will never tolerate any such behaviour from their wives at any stage of their marriage. Yet according to the Hebrew naming of woman, it is part of her innate nature and resolve, regardless of her personality, upbringing and education. Thus it becomes an often misunderstood source of future marital coldness, separations and break-ups.

Therefore for a prospering marriage, a wife will need to learn when and how to comfort, complete and confront her spouse. Unfortunately, this balancing expertise comes only after years of trial and error and experience. Some help can be gleaned from selected books, marriage seminars, reading articles such as this one and talking with other women. But these endeavours mainly give a heightened awareness of the possible aids and techniques that other women have effectively employed. Each marriage is unique and each husband is unique and so your application of what has been read, taught or caught will also be unique.

Finally the reward, benefits, personal growth, enriching fusion and sheer joy of getting it even half right, with the appropriate apologies, cannot be overstated!.