The Marriage License

“Two hands on the wheel” must be the stance of both husband and wife fully active in the journey.

Absentee husbands and fathers, especially early in the marriage and parenting, place undue pressure on the “one hand” to keep the marital vehicle on the road, particularly around tight corners. “No left or right turn” to pursuits and relationships that can rob the two-becoming-one of vital energies and funding for its on-going welfare and growth. It is no longer “my friends and your friends” but only “friends of marriage”.

It is no longer “my money and your money” but managed financial resources of the evolving fusion, that still provides for personal freedoms - even if, it is just “pocket change.” “No reversing on or into a main road” by keeping the marriage steadfastly looking forward and not allowing it to be held capture by the unhealthy rehearsals or reversals of the settled past or known necessities. For example, matters of house-keeping, car maintenance, cooking, grocery shopping and the like should be decided in the courtship days or the earliest months of the marriage. But on the other hand, please fully stop at those “no entry” signs (of times and places) and “red traffic lights” of sensual and sexual preferences signaled clearly, or even subtlety, by your partner. Proceed only if, and when, the lights turn green and seek to avoid, ever so wisely, going up “one-way”, down streets.

“Box intersection ahead: do not enter box unless your exit is clear” speaks directly to the marriage not only looking but also planning ahead. How will the number and birthing of the children dovetail with our dual career goals? How will priorities be identified and adequately provided for in the household budget or investments to be made? How will entering public life or the political arena change the dynamics of our current matrimonial home? Where are the “turn offs” towards rest and retirement? Notwithstanding the above, for many twosomes it is simply a case of “keeping left” until an opportunity “to overtake” presents itself.

For other couples, living and driving with a restricting speed-limit may impose a discipline that can become frustrating. But nevertheless it is a discipline that saves lives - maybe that of your own or your children in the future. Obeying the “give way” sign may have the same effect and result. In following these disciplines, I lose none of my status as a husband or a wife or as a citizen of Trinidad and Tobago. In fact, I advance my personhood, while setting an important example for others to follow. Finally, one of the prominent signpost on this marital thoroughfare you see early and often - in fact on the very first day, with life-long vows to comply - is “No U-turn”! Several of us may have to renew our marriage licenses before it expires emotionally, psychologically or physically; and seeking to drive with no or an expired license may cost us more than a thousand dollars literally or in kind. So let us earnestly endeavor to keep ALL our licenses up-to-date!