What’s your definition of a Super parent?

I remember when my son was an infant, he had already developed food allergies that I was unaware of, so he vomited, a lot, after every meal. It got to the point I was over the moon if I didn’t smell like vomit.

Forget my pre-baby, always well-dressed, smelling good self. I threw her out the window assuming things would settle down when he got older and I could return to form. HA! While I no longer reek of vomit, let’s just say the things I have to deal with on a daily basis makes any semblance of looking cute and coordinated, impossible. To be honest most days the only thing I can find the time or energy to do for myself is have a bath. The tantrums (when I say that, I mean, my son finding himself onto the floor or running head first into a wall or _ ailing his limbs onto the doorframe in an attempt to hurt himself and not the regular shouting and screaming and tears, although I have those to deal with as well at the same time) are scary and require the strength and composure to physically restrain him from harming himself.

I’m already his 24/7 therapist and have had to be dragging from one doctor’s and specialist appointment to another. I’ve learnt so much I even briefly considered, pursuing a medical degree, since it feels like if I’m halfway there already. I already work closely along with all the professionals that interact with my son. I try to learn all I can and ask as many questions as I can get away with so I can help him myself. I’m always doing research on new studies, new findings, new pharmaceutical trials. Honestly except for the chance to have a bath or a nap the rest of my day is devoted to doing something for my son. So who exactly were the parents studied by these researchers? And what exactly were they doing with their autistic children? I came to the conclusion I’m already a super parent and any further demands on me might cause diminishing returns. I have a lot of super powers.

Don’t believe me? I can make money for food, medication, and doctors’ visits materialise out of thin air. Then I can change the composition of money from paper to elastic and make it stretch. I can manipulate time and squeeze more than 24 hours into a single day. I have the power of a Buddha to remain calm when yet another person says my son doesn’t look autistic and all he needs is more licks and a lot of prayer. I already have all these super powers how much more ‘super’ can I be? After this, what’s left, divinity? I’d like to take my cape off for a moment at take a rest for a bit. I’d like to enjoy my child like other parents get to. Last week started off with a bang, an extended meltdown that ended with him assaulting a child at school, because heavens forbid, the other child tried to play with his best friend. I was forced to resort to good old fashioned bribery (never underestimate the importance of an ice cream sundae to a five-year-old) to get him to behave before the school loses patience with him and kicks him out. That doesn’t mean the good behaviour extends to home, it doesn’t logically follow of course. So from daily tantrums and fights lasting for four hours just to get him to bed or refusing to eat anything other than ramen or ice cream, I had a single moment of bliss with my son. In a seven-day period, I had a few seconds of Ahhhh. His teacher asked for a picture of him for a class project and they cut out the too small picture of his face and stuck it on a picture of a body wearing a kurta. It was cute beyond words and he was extremely proud to show it to me. That was it, for the entire week.

The rest of the week was made up of a series of tantrums, fights, meltdowns, screaming, shouting and tears, with sleep and school the only respite.

Daily, when I send my son off to school I remind him to be obedient to the teachers and he replies “I’ll do my best”. I can assure you parents of special needs children are doing the best they can. It’s a bit unreasonable to ask them to do any more without offering some support, sometimes it’s taking all our energy to keep everything together. I’d love to be the perfect parent for my son and be everything he needs, but all I can do is my best. As long as both he and I are honestly doing our best I can’t ask for anything more.