Keep calm and collected

I got out of the car and reassured her, “It’s not just you, I get that too.” She laughed but the tension in the situation was lifted and all it took was a volunteered dinner mint to get him to willingly agree to get into his mother’s car.

As parents in general and especially as parents to special needs children, we think the things we are experiencing are exclusive to us. They’re not. All parents, except for those with saints for children, have these moments and you know what? It’s okay. This is what children do and it makes you up your game as a parent. After more than six years of working with my son my parenting game is strong.

For this other mother my distracting with a reward strategy worked well. I’m not a combatant in the mommy wars and I am also not in a position to judge anyone. When it comes especially to special needs children, if your child is clean and well groomed, healthy and in school, I already know you are an amazing parent. If he decides to lay down at the side of the road when you are trying to get him into the car, no big deal, these things happen.

Children are like little animals, they can smell fear and frustration. As long as you remain the adult and stay calm no matter what they do, you will find your children begin to settle down. I suspect they try to shake you up just to see if they can rattle you. I’m not saying you should be unresponsive to your child but be a little less reactive, if you remain calm and collected in a crisis, your child will calm down too. My son unfortunately has the granny of the century, who _ ies into a panic at the drop of a hat. He enjoys the attention and often plays the victim to get granny’s cuddles.

Recently my son bumped his head. I was cooking in the kitchen and he was watching TV. How do you bump your head while watching TV? You’ll have to ask him about that. Anyway, out of the corner of my eye I saw him run past and heard a little whimper. Before I could finish washing my hands to go attend to him, out runs granny. “Oh Lord the child head buss!” She lifted him and ran to the kitchen shouting “Ice! Ice! Ice!” I calmly instructed her to put him on the couch and I proceeded to ask him what happened. Of course there was no busted head or blood of any kind. He simply had bumped his head, but a panicking granny had turned the discomfort into a full-blown disaster, duly accompanied by lots of tears and bawling. Five minutes with an ice pack eased the pain and he was back to his normal self, there wasn’t even any swelling. My point is you have to remain calm and be the parent no matter the situation. It is the same if there is a non-event like my son’s accident, as innocuous as the little boy who was doing his best to lay down on the pavement, or if there is a _ bula or tibia sticking out of your child’s leg.

I promise you don’t have the naughtiest children in the world or the rudest, or the most challenging.

No matter what they do your children are perfectly normal and doing what normal children do. As they get older behaviours change. In the next few years, rather than trying to lie down on the pavement, the little boy may be slamming doors and shouting I hate you to his mother. That’s perfectly normal too.

Think of it this way, while it’s not fun in the instant the naughty behaviour is happening, it will be great fodder to embarrass your children with when they get older. Me? I get a real kick out of my son and nephews naughtiness. I will be the aunt at the wedding reminding everyone of the things they did as children - my nephew who pooped in his mother’s shoe then put back under the bed, or my cousin’s daughter who was caught biting a lizard, or my own son who loved to eat dried rice found on the floor.

So parents give yourself some slack, everything is not a crisis or the end of the world. Even when you’re at your wits end with your little sprout, sometimes the situation is so ridiculous you just want to laugh. Go right on ahead. It makes it easier to deal with it all. For us parents of special needs children and who have to find the balance between pushing them forward and backing off to avoid meltdowns, it helps to have a sense of humour in the situation. Above all, keep calm and parent on.