The Challenge of Fatherhood

I am a widower-priest, meaning that I was married, and I became a priest after my wife died. I am the father of three children, and a grandfather of five (one being a step-grand). My children were born in holy matrimony before I became a priest. I have also had the benefit and blessing of being a monk for seven years. It was my desire to do missionary work in Africa, but this did not become a reality. I subsequently got married and remained so for 25 years. Three children were born during these years. As I reflect and remember, I had to get up at nights to change diapers (and later on pampers).

One child cried almost incessantly, while another showed more mercy to my shattered eardrums. My three children were a source of joy as I was determined to cherish, love and support them. I received training in child care from my wife who was a nurse.

Because of my experience, I exhort all fathers to be patient with small children.

As circumstances would have it, during my children’s early school years, I taught at a junior secondary school on the morning shift. My wife, who worked at San Fernando General Hospital, took the children to school in San Fernando.

I was at home before they arrived from San Fernando and they would find their meals ready and waiting. Teacher in the morning, cook in the afternoon.

Fathers, do not be afraid to try your hands; there are some wonderful cookbooks around. The experience of shared meals really helps to bring families closer. My former priestly training ensured that no-one left home without a blessing. Shared prayers at night were marked by parents blessing children and children blessing parents. I urge all parents to imitate this simple gesture of faith and bonding.

Holidays and education are immensely important.

Holidays were spent discovering new places in Trinidad and Tobago and sometimes visiting family abroad. Education was challenging but the spirit of encouragement overcame some awkward moments.

Fathers must be strong in times of crisis. My greatest challenge came when my wife was diagnosed with cancer. This was a time of awe and panic. Luckily, I had learnt to cope with the situation by learning from the now deacon Simon Rostant, whose wife had suffered with cancer for about three years. I never imagined that I would have been in a similar situation. My wife’s death brought on a crisis of faith in my young children. I was now a single parent who had to comfort, reassure and support them.

My theological training helped little by little to help restore their faith in God. When they had grown up, I decided to continue priestly training at the seminary.

I am now a father in two senses: I am still a father to my family but also a spiritual father to those who come under my care. My own experience tells me how important it is for fathers to be inspirational guides to their children. A Happy Father’s Day to all fathers