As a BCCE, she was required to teach persons in communities about Sexual and Reproductive Health (SRH) – an initiative that saw its roots take hold in bars, schools, community centres, homes, and churches – between 2008 and 2014. She also volunteered with the YMCATT and S Concepts doing similar advocacy work during this time.

“Currently, the nature of my advocacy has changed,” Kimberly says. She is now a Special Advisor to the Youth Advisory Group of the UNFPA, which allows her to represent youth at high-level meetings such as the Multi-Stakeholder Consultation on the Reduction of Adolescent Pregnancy in the Caribbean. She also works in a community with youth who attend the Retiree Adolescent Partnership Programme (RAPP), which will extend to three more communities next year.

With such extensive experience as an advocate for marginalised peoples, Kimberly says the values she holds dear are dedication, lending a listening ear, open-mindedness and consistency.

This week, she speaks with WMN about advocacy work with special attention to the work surrounding HIV/AIDS awareness, education and prevention – to commemorate World AIDS Day, which was honoured on December 1.

Q What do you think is the weakest area of HIV/AIDS awareness that needs more attention from both public and governmental offices in TT?

The weakest area is transmission and prevention awareness. Some people still have the mindset that it cannot happen to them; their personal risk assessment is low. HIV & AIDS awareness needs to be a priority of the government. Where are our nation’s youth acquiring their information these days? Enough is not being done to educate them.
They should not have to go looking for information.
It should be in their face: in their schools, homes and even their religious institutions.

Q Why aren’t all schools implementing the HFLE (Health and Family Life Education) syllabus?

Why is it that only 11% of the schools [that] do implement it, teaches the sexuality component? In addition, we do not have up-to-date data. In order to make decisions for any intervention the magnitude of the problem needs to be known.

Q As an advocate, what tips can you offer the average citizen to bringing an end to HIV/AIDS discrimination?

What should and must be done on an individual level? On an individual level, we have to educate our loved ones and ourselves. We have to put ourselves in the shoes of HIV positive people and treat others as we ourselves would like to be treated. We have to know that anyone can contract HIV. Even babies – would you discriminate against an innocent baby? This requires us to talk about sex and sexuality, which unfortunately in our society is taboo. Let’s talk about sexual health.

Q What gross misconceptions about persons living with HIV/ AIDS and the disease itself do you still encounter?

How do you combat these views? The most popular misconception is that HIV positive people are promiscuous, that they look sick, they will die soon. Also, people do not know the difference between HIV and AIDS. Teaching people about the modes of HIV transmission and Anti-Retroviral Treatment open up their minds to the truth. It is amazing the things people think about HIV and AIDS twenty-something years after its discovery and when all this information is easily accessible online.

Q How has the face of advocacy evolved since you first came into it?

What is your personal vision for the future of advocacy work surrounding HIV/AIDS? The face of advocacy has changed drastically. When I got into it HIV & AIDS Advocacy, to me, was at its peak. The NACC had a well-marketed campaign called ‘What’s Your Position?’ that reached a lot of citizens. The information was in the public domain. Now, as you can see, the information is selectively published, for example, in commemoration of World AIDS Day and at Carnival time. It needs to be a conversation piece throughout the year.
For the future, advocacy work needs to ride the wave of technology. For example, almost everyone has a phone – an effective advocacy campaign can be in the form of an application (app) or text messages or even WhatsApp groups. This is actually something that I am assisting with currently with UNFPA, as we will be launching a youth SRH app very soon.

Q What resources can persons living with the disease seek in TT?

There is a list of resources available both in the public and private sectors. Some initial engagements include the Queen’s Park Counseling Centre and Clinic, South AIDS Support, the Medical Research Foundation (MRF) and the Family Planning Association of Trinidad and Tobago.

Q What are your words on prevention?

Do you think local prevention campaigns are sufficient or are there key areas that need focus? In my experience, prevention is at times more complex than it seems. Simply telling someone to wear a condom and teaching them how to use one is not always effective.
They may have to learn condom negotiation skills. In addition, they may have an abusive partner who does not want to use prevention methods. What do you do then? Local campaigns are a great start to get the ball rolling.
However, it only scratches the surface. What will be effective is consistent programmes that not just educate people but emphasizes behavior change. What is also of importance is where these programmes are taught. We place priority on academics. Priority should be placed on Sexual and Reproductive Health too.

Q Your words to at-risk individuals? In your experience, what advice works best to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS and raise awareness?

I see everyone as being at-risk to be honest. Even people who are HIV positive, as it is unhealthy for two HIV positive people to have unprotected sex. However, to answer your question, I believe behavior change is necessary.
To achieve this, we should educate ourselves and most importantly our adolescents on sexual and reproductive health, which includes HIV & AIDS. But most importantly: love yourself, as this will motivate you to make healthy decisions.

Q Last words or thoughts?

I urge everyone to become an advocate. Everyone is a stakeholder. We may not be all infected, but we are all affected.

In all my years as a Social Worker (more than a decade if you want to count it) I have worked with numerous HIV positive persons as well as those in whom the virus had already progressed to AIDS. I have watched them die and I have watched them live. I also designed and conducted research into the sexual behaviours and knowledge of Trinidadian youth and what I found was frightening.

As a nation, we are so scared of talking about sex with young people that we leave them ignorant and defenseless. It is dangerous to not inform children that sex is not all fun and games but involves consequences that they and society will have to take responsibility for. Many of the children I interviewed years ago are now teenagers themselves and I wonder what kind of people they grew up to be.

For children who are so connected online they are vulnerable to not just local but international sexual predators, being ignorant is not cute, but can prove fatal.

This is even more relevant taking into account certain metrics: According to Google, Trinidad and Tobago is currently number 6 worldwide in searches for internet pornography. We held the number one spot for quite a few years, reaching an embarrassing climax in August 2014. I believe we held the number one spot since 2009.

Despite all the information on AIDS and HIV available, rates of infections in the region have remained steady for the last ten years.

While mortality rates have fallen there has been a slight but consistent increase in new infections in Trinidad and Tobago.

Young women aged 20-34 have the highest rates of infections but men 20-49 also have high rates of infections. (Source UNGASS 2010 TT Country Progress report) It is clear while we have a very sexualized society, our children are left ignorant of the possibility of contracting HIV and AIDS from sexual activity until it is too late. Through hosting sex education workshops, I have come to realise when it comes to sex, Trinis, both children and adults are idiot savants. The misinformation and ignorance are frightening and our young women are most at risk. Rates of infection for women decrease rapidly after age 34, men continue to engage in risky behaviour for another 15 years.

While there are too many policy documents and programmes to mention out there the fact that the success depends on the individual. Trinidad and Tobago has not seen the level of decimation faced by the sub-Saharan region. But until we take personal responsibility for our sexual health and educate our youth so they know enough to protect themselves, our statistics aren’t going to improve.

Interestingly enough, the groups that are usually accused of being responsible for the spread of HIV and AIDS – sex workers, transgender and drug users – are the groups with the lowest rates of new infections. In fact, the groups most at risk are the heterosexual population, gay men and straight men who have sex with men and clients of sex workers (source: UNAIDS Global AIDS Update 2016) HIV and AIDS information is not just about prevention but about living well if you are infected. Although as I mentioned I have encountered a number of persons that are positive, the stigma still remains.

Unfortunately, I have witnessed it first hand, from other Social Workers and health professionals, this causes people to avoid getting tested.

When I did convince one young woman in particular to get tested and she used the public service, she was so traumatised by the experience she never did it again. She reported she was loudly berated by the nurse in the public reception area. Rather than being congratulated for taking responsibility for her sexual health and finding out her status, she faced unfounded judgement and humiliation. Maybe what we need is less policy and programmes and more compassion from public health workers.

There is a quiet revolution taking place, of people living their lives positively, in the open, daring to love, to marry and have children despite their positive status. I remember working on one case with extremely beautiful, bubbly young lady and her little girl, as well as working alongside an openly positive young man who was engaged and looking forward to getting married. Both were aware of their status and both accessed the free antiretroviral medications provided by the government. They and their partners chose to be informed and assumed responsibility for their status. They were healthy and living life to the best of their ability.

I’ve also seen those on the other end of the spectrum who remained in denial of their status and despite their symptoms refused testing and continue engaging in risky behaviour. Unfortunately, I’ve seen much more of those than the first kind, which is a pity. The bottom line is HIV and AIDS requires us to be responsible whether we are trying to prevent infection, treating the infected or living with the infection. The success you have, whichever of these you are doing, depends on you.

Of course, he did ask how he (my cousin) died and I told him “pneumonia”. It’s hard enough talking to him about sex, and I have never been able to work up the courage to work in the details of HIV and AIDS.

In another eight to ten years, though, whether or not I choose to accept it, I know I am going to have to deal with the possibility of him becoming sexual active, the likelihood of him being exposed to drug use, and wanting to get piercings and tattoos – all of which, if he isn’t properly educated on the subject matters, can expose him to contracting HIV and other Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI).

So the question is, how do I, and other parents start preparing our children for what lies ahead? How can we guide them into making good sexual and healthy choices? How do we talk to them about STIs and in particular, HIV and AIDS? Marriage and Family Therapist and former Social Worker, Marcia Celestine says the manner in which parents start that discussion is no different from how they would approach the topic of sex and sexual health.

“Parents need to give their children as much information as they can give them from an early age, but the information must be age appropriate. And it doesn’t have to be that difficult because there is a wealth of information available out there. There are books that can help you talk to your children about sex and their sexual health from a very young age, teaching them not only about safety but helping them to establish boundaries around their sexual health and doing it in a positive way,” Celestine tells WMN.

However, she warns that parents need to administer this information in appropriate doses. “Don’t force information on a child that they are not able to process. You would know your child and what they need to know, and you always have to be a step ahead of the game. Don’t wait for something to happen to tell them that risky sexual behaviour can lead to the contraction of HIV and AIDS. Be in preventative mode instead of crisis mode,” by gradually preparing them for the sexual and health related realities of the world.

And what if you find yourself with a crisis on your hands before you’ve had the opportunity to complete your lesson? “You need to be calm,” Celestine advises. “There is no point in you having a shouting match making them more guilty than they feel. And they do feel guilty if they are already engaging in sexual or other risky activities and they know you don’t approve.

“If it means that you are not the one to deal with the situation if you discover by chance that your child is sexual active,” doing drugs or got unauthorised tattoos and piercings, “then the calmer parent should take the responsibility of dealing with the situation.” Throughout the course of her career Celestine has seen and heard a lot. “I have found myself having to interact with young people who presented with STDs and some who have had some scares because they have been risky with their sexual health,” and there was always a common thread – “A self-esteem issue.

Parents need to build their children’s self-esteem.

Your children need to know how great they are. You need to make the time for them and they need to know how proud you are of them with no conditions attached. Not their grades etc.” “The starting point for any young person appreciating their bodies starts with self-confidence and selfesteem.

If you have a child who is very suggestable and saying no means they will be left out of the group, then you may have a problem on your hands because they may be easily lured into participating in risky sexual conduct. The more you build your child’s self-esteem the less likely they will be to fall to sexual abuse, peer pressure etc. And teach them to ask the hard questions of potential sexual partners when that time comes, because some people lie about their sexual history and statuses.” She adds that while the sexual experiments of some children are to some degree exploratory, for other children it may be caused by explicit exposure to sexual material. “They may be exposed prematurely to things they ought not see at that early age and they may want to introduce these things to their friends. So they may tell your child ‘meet me in the bathroom or something like that.’” Celestine says parents need to set sexual boundaries away from the “earshot and eyeshot” of their children, because premature and overexposure to sexual content can have a longstanding negative impact on their sexual, mental, emotional and social health.

Even though AIDS has been around for over 30 years with a sustained public awareness campaign that has been vigorous and widespread, there are still many new cases diagnosed locally annually. With all the information available and easy access to condoms (as they’re relatively cheap in the pharmacies and even free from the FPA) have we really become complacent once again with our sexual health? This week the girlfriends share some deeply personal experiences as they seek to shed some more light on this topic.

Martie: Ahhhhh, I have a theory on that. I think that the middle to upper social classes have become complacent because “it doesn’t happen to us”. There was an initial scare back in the day that made people panic but that panic seems to have disappeared. Back then, everything was AIDS, just like how cancer awareness is everywhere now.

Ronz: I suspect AIDS rates are lower due to better medications, so people are living longer with HIV that doesn’t progress to actual AIDS.

Kimba: I _ nd Trinbagonians generally real brave outchea and have a lot of unprotected sex…

Martie: I agree to a point Kimba, there was a time when everyone was careful re protection. The scare factor, especially in the mid/upper social classes has diminished so being careful has also. I think the younger generation is less so especially cause it’s not in “pop culture”.

Staci: These days there are so many folks (young and old alike) that are FWB (friends with bene_ ts). When the mark buss, it’s because they pregnant, have several FWB arrangements and have to do a couple paternity tests to determine who the baby daddy is. I always say better a baby than HIV but how you sleeping with several people with no protection though??

Mel: You can’t abort AIDS!

Ronz: I think there’s always been a segment of the population who lives with the “it can’t happen to me” mentality for whatever reason. When AIDS was limited to gay men straight people said, “It can’t happen to me”. When IV drug users started getting it, non-drugs users said, “It can’t happen to me”. When straight people started getting it, married people and people in monogamous relationships said, “It can’t happen to me”. Point is, someone always thinks it can’t happen to them. “I’m safe”, “I don’t sleep around”, “I only sleep with people who are clean” blah blah blah, the rationalizations are endless. A scary stat that I came across not too long ago that the demographic with rising infection rates was young, straight women! Partly due to messages that people can live with HIV because medications work well and can get your virus load so low, that it’s not showing up on tests.

Staci: Got this from UNAIDS website: “We’ve reached the goal of providing 15 million people with access to life-saving HIV treatment by 2015. Additionally, UNAIDS estimates that from 2002 to 2012, expanded access to HIV treatment averted 4.2 million deaths globally and contributed to a 58% reduction in new HIV infections.” So to me, the disease is no longer a death sentence, which reinforces what you say Ronz.

Rors: I have a friend, guy who was raped by a “straight” male friend of his. A few months later, he found out he had HIV, and so he called people he’d slept with to let them know, including the friend who raped him. This rapist’s response was nonchalantly, “Yea, you got it from me most likely.” Just thought I’d share as a different perspective on the spread of the disease.

Martie: Wow, the one who gave him AIDS will burn in hell, that’s for sure.

Ronz: There’s lots of “straight” men having sex with gay men. Many pay for it by soliciting sex workers who are clearly men dressed as women or even men who are “on the down low”. So they out there having risky, unprotected sex with men and then coming home and having sex good and normal with their wives.

Martie: Stuff like that is to be made public, especially if this rapist with AIDS is walking around normal, going around unsuspecting women and men…put them on blast on Facebook I say.

Rors: I wonder how many people do get justice? My rapist still lives in the same house he molested me in, as back then my family was advised not to go to court because I’d have to be cross examined and just the thought of that prevented it from going any further legally. So basically I was forced to deal with the trauma of it for years internally, it was only after a breakdown was I able to finally discuss it openly with my mother. I’m certain there’s sooooo many other cases like mine. Even though I’m in a better place now, I still get the urge to crawl out my skin sometimes. It’s not nice when you’re with someone you love and one stray thought spirals until you don’t want to be touched. It confuses someone to say the least.

Kimba: My heart breaks for you…

Staci: Wow Rors, thanks for sharing that with us…lord only knows…

Nick: I truly empathize, I went through something similar right before I was a teenager. The hashtag that’s trending now #lifeinleggings took a whole new meaning when women began to share their horror stories of being sexually assaulted. I’ve never spoken about it like never ever ever everrrrrr, this is the first time actually. Fortunately for me no diseases were contracted but the mental aftermath never ends, no matter how much you try an put it to the back of your head. You just learn to live one day at a time.

Rors: Y’all seeing how many footballers coming out about having been sexually abused by their coaches? Hundreds so far, they’ve even set up a hotline! They took the abuse repeatedly for years thinking they had to, to succeed. So tying it back to our AIDs topic, imagine how many victims of abuse, rape and sexual assault have to suffer even further because following their attacks their status also changes to positive.

Look out for the next installment of The Girlfriends where we delve deeperinto the #lifeinleggings movement sweeping the interweb, where countless women from around the world are participating by sharing deeply personal, life altering incidents of sexual abuse.

The Girlfriends is a group of 15 women between the ages of 26 – 45 who are willing to give an unadulterated look into their own experiences. Some names have been changed for privacy.

A makeup bag All makeup lovers need somewhere to store their stash, so a cute makeup bag such as this one from Etsy, with “the girl who has everything” appropriately embroidered on it, will be sure to make them smile. If you’d rather opt for functional over cute, Lay-n-Go Cosmo Cosmetic Bag is the way to go. This is the ultimate makeup pouch for getting ready on the go. It is a waterproof, drawstring bag with a zippered enclosure for smaller items. It opens out to reveal a flat makeup surface, so you can clearly see all the contents of your pouch, and won’t have to blindly dig around as you would in a traditional makeup pouch.

Beauty Blender You can never go wrong with a beauty blender, because they’re the ultimate makeup application tool, and even if your recipient already owns one, it will eventually need to be replaced. Try to buy the limited edition, bundled sets to get more bang for your buck.

Makeup Brushes Brushes are another tool you can never have enough of. If you want them to be extra special for that person in your life who wishes they were a mermaid, then these Spectrum “The Glam Clam” Mermaid Dreams brushes will be just what the doctor ordered!

Hourglass Cosmetics Ambient Lighting Edit – Surreal Light Opening a present to reveal this palette is sure to result in squeals of excitement. This ultra luxurious palette contains the brand’s signature Ambient Lighting Powder, Bronzer, two Blush shades and their newest Strobe Lighting Powder. This is excellent value for money, not to mention, they will get to try several of these coveted powders in a single palette without committing to the full sized version.

Anastasia Beverly Hills Modern Renaissance Eye Shadow Palette This one was a popular suggestion. The range of stylish, warm earthy and cool romantic shades, in finishes varying from ultra matte to metallic, will allow you to create elegant day looks or edgy night looks.

Pat McGrath Labs Metalmorphosis 005 Everything Kit This is quite a pricey item but will not go unappreciated. Every makeup addict knows Pat McGrath, one of the most influential makeup artists in the world. This set contains her entire line of illuminating cream and metallic pigments, as well as a mixing liquid and a dual-ended black eye liner. The creams and pigments can be used all over the face and body for a glistening sheen.

Lipstick Sets Any lipstick lover will swoon over Kat Von D’s Everlasting Obsession Liquid Lipstick Collector’s Edition. The set is quite pricey, but contains 15 full-sized liquid lipsticks. If it’s out of your budget, another wonderful option would be Colourpop’s Lip Bundles. I recommend going for a kit, so your recipient will have a variety of shades to choose from and mix, which will eliminate the guesswork of you choosing what shades you think they will like.

Becca x Jaclyn Hill Champagne Splits Shimmering Skin Perfector Mineral Blush Duo This is a limited edition set, so even if your recipient already owns one, having another won’t be unwelcome. This is a great option for beauty connoisseurs to makeup novices alike, since it contains a perfectly paired blush and highlighter to suit a variety of skin tones.

Kylie Cosmetics Gloss If you know your makeup lover prefers glossy lips over matte lips, you can try Kylie Jenner’s line of trendy lip glosses.

Gerard Cosmetics “Slay All Day” Setting Spray Garden Party Set These are cooling, oil-controlling finishing sprays. They’re lightly fragranced and because they’re mini, they’ll be great for travel, or to simply keep in your handbag, to refresh your makeup throughout the day.

If all else fails, and you really are stumped about what to get the makeup lover in your life, you can always opt for a gift card from one of their favourite stores. I know it seems impersonal, but if it means they can buy something they’ve been eying, or they can stock up on their must-haves, they will absolutely appreciate it, all the same! By

Released under her fashion brand, Afrofunkk, the collection boasted the designer’s signature aesthetic of colourful, indigenous, and tribal prints married with individualism and warrior-like empowerment through garments, jewelry, and bags.

Also on display was Charlene’s second home d?cor and lifestyle collection under her brand the Sykadellic Shack, which saw displays of indigenous weaving in the form of baskets, rugs, and throw pillows, as well as handpicked ornaments and d?cor.

A lone traveler, Charlene’s one-woman journey seeking inspiration, artisans, and artifacts has taken her to Asia, Africa, and the Far East. Along her way, she collaborates with local creators to arouse her “funkky” pieces. During her extensive travels, she has lived with the Maasai tribe of Kenya for six months; a tribe she was drawn to and inspired by during her years of schooling at the Fashion Institute of Technology (FIT) in New York, and says these and similar experiences continue to inspire her artistry and process. Her love of colour is homage to distinctiveness and her fabric choices scream for attention. She also strives for as organic an artistic process as possible – she ensures the materials she uses are designed from scratch and does not sketch her designs. Supportive of local and indigenous women on her continuous travels, she purchases unique fabrics and searches for techniques to achieve an authentic feel to her work – modern woman meets tribal warrior.

“Warriors Walk Alone is me creating my own funk. Like a warrior. They stand tall. They go out and hunt and they have to come back with the goods. Me going to these tribes all over the world is like hunting season. When I travel, I feel alive and in sync with the tribal energy of the planet, and I bring that vibe back to the world in the global language of fashion,” she says confidently about her newest collection whose designs range from earthy undertones to blitzing colours and prints that sometimes clash drastically but are pulled off spectacularly with an air of confidence and the right swagger.

Wedding photographer Wendell Jonathan Herbert of Vision in Photography (VIP), part of L. Edwin Group of Companies, shares some of his candid moments behind the lens and offers some insight into what the modern day bride should look for in a photographer.

Wendell describes his style as “story telling”, and what better story to tell than that of a two people who have made the brave decision to declare their love in the presence of their family and friends? “I like to have fun with my clients while capturing the candid moments (and) natural bursts of expression,” says Wendell, who has six years of experience – or rather stories, to share. Regardless of the public spectacle of the event, a wedding is still an intimate affair and Herbert advises that a photographer get to know their clients before the big day.

“I love spending time with my clients, understanding them and their personality so that I can know what means most to them and capture that.” The couple’s personality should always shine through. “I like the groom to be himself,” says Wendell. “If he is comical let’s bring out some of that in the photos. When you look at your pictures you must say ‘Yes! this was my wedding!’” Modern day couples have become a lot more adventurous than their parents before them, opting for scenic views as the backdrop for their photos, although Wendell insists that traditional portrait shots are still relevant. He says there are benefits to taking wedding pictures on an island, as there are numerous locations that offer couples a stunning scenic setting for their memories. From the Bamboo Cathedral to any one of our pristine beaches, they have options so they are not limited to portraiture. Even locations that may not seem like much at first can make for an amazing shot, if the photographer knows where to look.

He jokes he has even used “the government roads” as backdrops for couples in the past. As he puts it, “It’s not so much the venue but the professionalism of the photographer as one can take the most simple location and create spectacular photos.” However, he does admit that couples he has worked with in the past always go for something a little “outrageous”. Ultimately the decision is up to the clients. “The photography and the moment is all about them.” Wendell cites some of his favourite moments to capture during a ceremony and the effect that it has not only on the guest, but the photographer himself. “That moment when the groom sees the bride walking down the aisle. Wow, speechless!” he says, passionately. There are also incredible moments to be shared between the parents and the bride during final preparations, he says.

“I love the passion (and) the emotions. I love seeing the truth unfold.” There are also many comical moments, such as the tossing of the bouquet. “It is amazing to see the girls reaching to the sky and the anticipation as the bouquet starts to slowly come into the hands of that one person…then the scramble!” he jokes.

The opportunities for memorable shots are endless at a wedding. From the first kiss to the first dance, these are precious memories to last a lifetime. So when looking for a photographer, be sure to find someone who is willing to treat your memories as delicately as you would.

“Photography for me is a chance to make someone smile,” says Wendell. “It is my chance to create moments that they thought were ordinary into extraordinary.”

But let’s face it, your guests aren’t there just to bask in the glow of your love for an entire day; you have to feed them too. Preparing a meal for a large group of people with different tastes is no easy task.

Gloria Edwin, owner and head chef of Talk of the Town Caterers, part of L Edwin Group of Companies has an impressive 35 years of experience in the catering business and shares with WMN what to look for in a wedding caterer.

Gloria explains that couples looks for “creativity, great taste, and versatility.” And since everyone has their desired tastes, as a caterer you have to be able to offer a wide range of options, not just to the liking of the bride and groom. “We specialise in all dishes,” she says confidently. “Creole, Chinese, authentic East Indian, Mexican. It doesn’t matter what the request is, our chefs can accommodate the client”.

A great menu always stands out at a wedding, and as a proper host you would want your guests to leave satisfied, especially those who go for seconds. “One can never forget when a couple caters for a guest list of 200 and you cater for 225, and all the plates are out and persons are still lining up for food,’ she says with a laugh. “It pays to cook extra.”

For clients on a smaller budget, Edwin’s company provides set menus, or they can make one from scratch to accommodate the client. Food preparation is very delicate and it is always advisable that for large scale events, a couple hire someone with the proper experience. A photographer can always delete a bad photo, but a bad caterer can literally leave a bad taste in your mouth, not to mention endanger the health of the guests.

“I have seen it all,” says Gloria. “A lot of people believe that because they can cook, they can be a caterer but it goes deeper than that. Food preparation is a very strict practice.” She warns that different foods need to be kept at certain temperatures and a trained caterer would know how to store and keep food fresh for the guests. “A professional caterer can assist you in making sensible decisions and give great advice,” she says.

It all boils down to passion (no pun intended). “We love what we do, and concentrate on professionalism and a service with excellence,” says Gloria. Ensure that every part of your ceremony is filled with love, including the hands that prepare your food, so that after all the sentiment, your guests leave at the end of their nights their hearts and their bellies are full.

But more fundamentally, “holy” and “holiness” encompass that which is sacred, set aside for special use, separate or separated, and uniquely other.

It is these deeper truths and attributes of holiness that can be, and must be, applied to our marriages.

To understand and treat marriage as “unholy, common or equal to all other relationships” is to run the risk of not seeing it for what it is, or abusing it altogether – leading to individual or mutual frustrations.

Marriage is sacred, divinely given to us. For we did not design ourselves for marriage; we were outfitted for it by another. The blueprint includes not only physical, emotional and social dimensions, but also the spiritual. Therefore, what we are doing or not doing “spiritually together” matters! It cannot be ignored. In times of deep distress and difficulty, it is often the sanctity of matrimony that binds and takes us through, irrespective of the channels employed – prayer, worship or charitable works.

Marriage is “set aside for special use”, as most evident in its elevated sexuality – though many would want us to believe and venture otherwise.

To quote from a 2013 column edition “SEX Sells.

This is the firmly held belief by many and for some it is a clearly established fact. However, the sexual experiences that are most promoted and publicized in our movies, social media, artistic and cultural expressions are not those being enjoyed in healthy, maturing marriages. Is it because this most legitimate of all sexual experiences does not sell, or better yet, is this sex that CANNOT be sold and bought? What gives marital sex its “most legitimate” status is that it is a physical fusion activity expressing, reflecting and reinforcing an inner psychological, emotional and spiritual fusion relationship – the marriage itself. All other sexual expressions fall short of this exquisite standard. But experiencing the ecstasy of this exquisite standard does not come easily.” Marriage is “separate or separated” from the other relationships we experience. These embrace those everyday “casual relationships” of personal greetings with no further interaction intended; “working relationships” in which our knowledge of others evolves from constantly working with them; “bonding relationships” of parent and child, mentormentee, as well as intimate friendships, which together determine our self-image, worldview, life goals and destinations and in large measure, who we are.

Marriage is distinct from the above. For there is not only an increasing, intimate interaction between “the two”, but also a merging of the two different worldviews, life goals and destinations, even self-images, into a lived-out, fusing “one”. It is an interfacing in which “performance” determines “quality of”, but never the “reason for”, being together. It is an assimilation that recognises and accepts we are “fault-prone” humans desperately trying to truly love another “faltering” human being; with all the Divine and other-people help we can meaningfully utilise.

Hence marriage must be that “unique other”, having its own principles, practices and ecosystem to live by. A marriage is best grounded in the cornerstone of “unconditional love” and rises upward as we strive to make our particular differences work for, instead of against us. In the wedding vows, marriage is referred to as the “holy estate” which should be entered into “not unadvisedly, but thoughtfully.” Yet the rewarding, life-giving, light that warmly radiates from mature or maturing marriages far “out-influences” and outshines the light emanating from any other “holy” object, space or time. It is the rich inner-workings of this marital light that we must pass to the next generation, before the chilling, isolation of “device-driven”, virtual world becomes irreversible!

Accessories can change a bland room into a showpiece and can make the space appear more comfortable and homey.

When choosing accessories to use, first consider the style of the room, whether contemporary, traditional, country or ethnic. Accessories emphasize the theme of the space. There are many types of accessories, picture frames, rugs, pictures, sculpture, vases, clocks, plants, fabrics, furniture, sculpture, books, architectural elements etc.

Basic design principles Pay attention to the size of the piece you are accessorizing with, in relation to the scale of the room.

If you place a large lamp on a small table it would look out of place and similarly a small lamp on a large table would be lost.

Placement There are several ways to arrange the items that you have acquired. Here are some guidelines: Find the focal point and arrange the accessories around one major grouping to ground it.

Create groupings by arranging objects together in odd numbers eg in groups of three or five.

Place similar objects together. To achieve greater emphasis for the grouping arrange objects by shape, colour and design. A collection of blue vases has more impact when grouped together than scattered about the room.

Use different height objects in a grouping. Utilize different qualities of height and width throughout the room. When these work together they form a harmonious rhythm and visual interest.

If you are trying to create depth avoid placing objects in a straight line. Instead zig zag the placement of objects.

Using different textures of accessories adds visual interest to the space. Use shiny finishes against matt finishes, textured surfaces against smooth surfaces and hard against soft surfaces.

Avoid clutter as this causes confusion and it would be difficult to relax in the space.

Accessorizing with flowers Flowers create the feel of freshness. One great thing about flowers is that they come in all the colours of the rainbow and in a variety of textures and shapes. So, finding an arrangement to fit your scheme and mood would not be difficult.

Accessorizing with art Some of us have a collection of art or would purchase art to display on the wall or easel. Which ever display method you choose, the object of displaying the art is to capture people’s attention.

The picture frame can make or break your work of art. Be very careful when choosing the colour, style and material for the artwork.

Accessorizing with textiles The colours and textures of fabric and rugs create interest and help to liven the space. When using these accessories, the intensity and combination of colours that are used should coordinate to the colour scheme of the room.

Rugs can be used to accentuate and define a furniture grouping. They can also pull a room together and revive the space. The colours in the rug can enhance the hues of other colours that exist in the space. They can compliment and create colour harmony with the room’s d?cor. Also, the patterns in the rug should not overwhelm the space there should be balance and scale.

Tips • Large accessories can create drama in a space.

• Books make a brilliant decorative statement about the owner.

• Use decorative screens in corners, behind sofas or as a decorative divider in the room. They make a bold statement.

• Candles of all types and sizes are a great addition to any room.

• Use greenery throughout the home.

They add texture and soften the space.