TYING A BIG SPENDER’S HANDS

Q: My husband thinks nothing of buying the latest computer, big-screen TV, or CD player without consulting me first. I’d rather invest our extra money in the kids’ college funds. He says I don’t know how to enjoy life. How can we compromise?

A: Because your husband knows about your financial priorities yet still indulges in these spending sprees, “your problems point to a need to communicate better, not just manage money better, says marriage and family therapist Janet Vessels, of El Paso, Texas. Though you can’t put a lock on his wallet, you can sort out your conflicting feelings on finances, set limits, and make some cash compromises. Ask your husband why he feels such a need to buy these items; this will help you better understand his cravings. It may be that he simply loves new toys or feels that he deserves them because he works so hard, but you might also discover an underlying reason behind his indulgences.

Maybe he feels you don’t pay enough attention to him, for instance, and this is his way of consoling himself, or perhaps he’s simply following a spending pattern that he learned from his parents when he was young. Point out that he’ll have greater spending power if the two of you manage your money better. Then write down your short-and long-term goals, with a college fund being non-negotiable. Separate chequeing accounts can also reduce bickering, as long as you agree on a monthly sum to be deposited in a joint household account and savings plan. Last, indulge his yen to spend in a defined way. You might decide to dedicate financial windfalls — such as tax refund check — strictly to treats that you take turns choosing.

In search of forgiveness

Q: My three-year-old cleaning business had great growth for the first two years, but the third has been a nail-biter. It was my fault. I started missing deadlines and not following up with my clients in a timely manner. What can I do to regain their respect and confidence?

A: “There are three things I’d advise you to do,” says Jim Ansara, who started Shawmut Design and Construction with a pickup truck and built it into a five-time Inc 500 company by relentlessly emphasising customer service. “First, you need to decide whether you’re really up for the challenge and, if so, start modelling the behaviour you want. I’ve never seen any small business provide great client service if the leader isn’t a demon for it with a tremendous sense of urgency about making it happen. “Second, you need to put some mechanisms in place to make sure you don’t have such problems in the future. You could decide, for example, that if you don’t deliver a report on the day you promised it, the customer gets an automatic 20 percent discount. You can make your own rules, but they have to be real commitments.

“Third, and most important, you should go to all the clients you’ve let down and apologise to them in person. Don’t beg for another chance. Don’t tell them you’ve changed. Just say, ‘I know I screwed up, and I want to apologise. “That’s the only way you’re going to put this failure behind you. If you go to your ex-customers begging for a second chance, some of them will say yes, just to avoid a confrontation, but they won’t respect you.  Their anger will still be there, and they’ll look for ways to get rid of you as soon as they can.  It’s much better to say, ‘I understand you’re unhappy and you’re not going to be using me again, but I still wanted to come here, take responsibility, and apologise’.’’