Nettie Nettie

Those were the words of the first calypso I ever heard. My brother Victor and I learnt it from our friends and thought we would prove some entertainment for our Mother but when she heard it, she was shocked.

“Get away from the kitchen. Don’t bring that calypso in here. Why you all don’t learn something good like “Daily, daily sing to Mary. Sing my soul, her praises due;” instead of that awful song?” With that we left and went outside by the steps to practise our calypso. There we were when Manaff, a big boy who also lived in Jackson Place but further up the hill, came up and said, “All you know what all you singing?”

The truth was we did not give it much thought. While fumbling to try to explain what we knew, Manaff went on to explain what Nettie had to do to have the baby in her belly, why it had to be there for nine months and from where it would come before it was seen.

In street language, he went through the gamut from the period of conception, gestation to parturition.

Manaff educated us while we were sitting on the wooden carts that were used to carry loads during the day and which the loader men had parked at the side of the road. Up to that time, I foolishly thought that a virgin was a good holy woman with a rosary in hand who said lots of Our Fathers and Hail Marys. Surely, my mother was most qualified for virginity.

As a matter of fact, whenever I asked her how I came into this world, she would tell me that where we lived on Mucurapo Road, at the back of our house was the sea. One day she saw a basket coming in with the tide. When it was washed up on the shore, she opened it and there I was. Other answers from family members were: — “The pelican brought you in his big bill; The sea plane in Cocorite came with you; You will know in time; “When Ma was in the room, the midwife arrived with a big bag and when she left you were there as a baby. So I suppose the midwife brought you.”

When my two sons asked me the same questions I had asked as a child, I told them all they wanted to know to satisfy their curiosity for the moment. Later on when they were able to read, my wife and I gave them the books to suit their age so they would understand about the birds and the bees.

Still in all fairness, some credit must be given to my grandmother who managed to gather all the seven-plus boys and girls in the neighbourhood and told us the story of the creation from the Bible. We learnt among other things that God married Adam and Eve and told them to have children — “multiply and replenish the earth.” We heard about the forbidden fruit from the tree of good and evil and the banishment from the Garden of Eden because of their disobedience.

While Grandma’s story did shed a little light on this “baby in the belly” business, I for one did not understand it until that man-boy Manaff explained the whole process in vivid dialect. When the other calypsos came, I knew what they meant.

For instance there is one by Lord Pretender where he advises men to keep their property under lock and key making reference to Richard — the Lion Hearted and the chastity belt. And of course, the famous “Rum and Coca Cola” calypso which gave the impression to the world that Trinidad is the land of prostitution with lines such as “both mother and daughter working for the Yankee dollar.”

Here’s a little joke. Question: “What was the fastest runner in history?” Answer: “Adam. He came first in the human race.”