50/50 TT

Everyone is down with race fever, the opposing sides of the House in a huff over their commitment to “transparency in ethnic life.” Who knew representation was that easy to gauge and that running a country successfully depended on the simple placement of an equal number of members of each ethnic group in all institutions? Onward to a perfect society. We want to stop the murders? Appoint a 50/50 police force. Water gone? Call 50/50 WASA. No job? Write the 50/50 Ministry of Labour.

Since we are taking a tally of who is in what and presenting this as the sole basis for representation then I’d have to facetiously or maybe seriously argue that the unique 100/100 Trinbagonian party, the one truly entitled to sit in the House of Representatives is Party Hearty. We have been dismissed as parody but we may be the only genuine joke in a land of real jokers. Party Hearty has never kept count of Indians and Africans because we settled the race issue in Trinidad and Tobago four years ago when we presented our 2007 Constitution. In section 4 (1), entitled the Recognition of rights and freedoms and nice woman and liming pardners, we left no room for ethnic or rhythmic equivocation.

“It is hereby recognised and declared that in Trinidad and Tobago there have existed and shall continue to exist, without discrimination by reason of race (or taking your time), origin (or not knowing where you come from), colour (especially PH green), religion (or fete mentality), sex (or lackado), the following fundamental human rights and freedoms, namely…” the paragraph read.

Whether busy bee or couch potato-everyone was welcome to come in and chill.

Undiscriminating, we made constitutional provisions (with stew or curry soya or beef) for them all. Recently we have expanded our umbrella of race so it covers a wider spectrum at Maracas and in our 2011 Manifesto Redux, “Together we Perspire”, we plan to plan a pledge of a promise of unlimited monetary assistance for any citizen (see Section 1 of PH Constitution for PH definition of citizenship) wishing to organise a race in TT, though a dedication to the reduction of greenhouse gases requires PH to give candidates interested in running three legged and one horse sprints preference over nationals who wish to propagate drag racing.

Our 2007 manifesto, “Who Vex Lorse”, embraced Trinbagonians who none of the mainstream parties would (and will) by including a section for all genders and sexualities and by excluding Leviticus. We had the first woman leader and we supported leaders of all sexes-whether you had one or not. We gave anyone unsure of gender a choice of free pink nail polish or Army boots though on reflection, we might have been less prudish and permitted them to select both or neither. Party Hearty will soon be prepared to show its parliamentary motion by arguing that whereas the various service commissions, as established under the former TT Constitution, bring no drinks to the fete and keep count of everything but the beat, be it resolved that they be dissolved and the Hip Hop House affirm their commitment to soca camp.

In the 2007 general election campaign, as Party Hearty’s profile became more appealing, a UNC candidate dismissively labelled us esoteric, interesting to a select few. To the established set, Party Hearty is definitely seen as atypical — we are environmentalists who compute the number of coolers and not Indians and Africans in a lime. In our defence I say that at the very least when we the people of Party Hearty play the fool, every creed and race enjoys a collective laugh. We don?t want a 50/50 TT-we like the fete just as it is-all inclusive.

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