The cyberbullying menace

Social media have become a primary pathway to vicious attacks on people. But bullying takes many forms. The virtual takes bullying to a new dimension and has led to its increase.

Maybe this is a reflection of our global politics where leaders like US President Donald Trump bully others into submission or find ways to blame “both sides,” even when there is evidence of racial terrorism.

The scenario, there are two sides to every story, holds little truth when there is a bully involved.

Bullies operate through processes of intimation that may be overt, in terms of the fear of physical harm, but are, more often than not, subtle and effective.

We all have our weak spots.

The bully knows how to activate them. He also exists within a sphere that gives permission to his abuse.

According to the Web, and quite surprisingly, bullying often exists within the safe haven of families, where members gang up on one individual and that person becomes a victim of family bullying. He or she is often stigmatised, stereotyped or ostracised.

Some suggest that this might have to do with the natural herd instinct, which causes members of a group to bond by providing a scapegoat for the entire group.

After all, Christianity needed Christ as a scapegoat and scapegoats exist in every culture.

However, it also speaks of the lack of tolerance of difference.

The poet Yeats once said, “tie a string to the leg of an eagle, and the others will pick it to death.” Communities apparently require sameness in order to cohere. Excluding the one who is different provides the cement for those who make up the majority.

Bullying is based on a need for dominance.

The nursery rhyme, The Farmer in the Dell, speaks specifically to this according to Maria, who works with vulnerable people: first the farmer takes a wife, then the wife takes the child, the child takes a nurse, the nurse takes a cow, the cow takes a dog, the dog takes a cat, the cat takes a rat and the rat takes the cheese.

Then the cheese stands alone.

Each one has someone beneath them that they can dominate or possess, until at the end the cheese has no one, and is alone and isolated.

What starts off as a story of love, turns to one of dominance and possession.

And, unfortunately, there are simply too many relationships like this in our world.

The need to have power over others leads to emotional and psychological bullying that destroys self-worth.

This abuse may take very innocuous forms, such as constant criticism or gentle reminders that one person is extravagant or, as has so often been noted in male-female relationships, that the woman is “too emotional.” Of course, we no longer see the word emotional as evil. We even talk of “emotional intelligence,” but the idea that an emotional woman is irrational and therefore irresponsible lingers.

Many individuals assume a mantle of protection that serves to dehumanise or minimise the worth of the other. One person becomes hopelessly disempowered and lacking in self-confidence.

This may also be accompanied by constant criticism.

There are other forms of bullying, such as being cursed or screamed at or having accusations levelled against one. Cyberbullying is a form of this kind of bullying, where compromising photos might go viral or intimidating messages sent on social media.

It is pointless to say that people should stand up for themselves; the truth is bullies wear down their victims. As a psychologist once pointed out, there is no fun in wearing out a weak p e r s o n , but think of the pleasure a bully gets from b r e a k - ing down someone who is strong.