Letter to a minister

Dear Reverend Cyril Paul: This is the first occasion I am penning a letter to a minister of anything, having preferred in the past to write about, rather than correspond with, any. However, your recent ideological differences with the country’s head of all ministers and ministries, His Grace Prime Minister Patrick Manning, have moved me to my PC to type this missive, my first, to a minister. Reverend, I trust you will not find me irreverent for sending you this unsolicited sermon, for I am no expert in theology like our Prime Minister. But, as someone who has spent many, perhaps too many, an hour in our Houses of Parliament, I felt it my sacred duty to give you a few pious political pointers. Just in case — unlikely though this now seems — you were invited to the congress again to pray for its representatives. Hints, which I hope, will keep you out of hot water with Mr Manning and in His Grace’s good graces. The first is, never be sincere.  No, Rev dear, not in there. It is not a  holy house, but the Parliament of the hypocritical nation state of Trinidad and Tobago. You are expected to be a great pretender, to do things such as, boast of anti-corruption measures, but fail to declare your income and assets until public pressure forces you to do so. You cannot be frank in your prayers to God, even if distortion of the truth means, with all due respect, a few years in whatever fiery place, Presbyterians send those who transgress.

Thus, Reverend, you do not ask God to pardon anyone for speaking without thinking, as you did on Monday, because then, you are being too honest about the Prime Minister’s UTC/FCB merger announcement. You should instead, give thanks that our representatives, particularly Mr Manning, never speak out of turn. If you cannot fib a bit and take a little heat from hell, you should never enter the august Chamber, where most angels fear to tread. Secondly, Reverend, you must not ever, seek to uplift our MPs for you only disorient them and they are already sufficiently lost. What were you thinking when on Monday, you made this plea: “Loving and Merciful Father, we pray for your forgiveness — when through our speech, attitude and actions we  fail to acknowledge Your presence and we bring dishonour and disrepute to the good name of Parliament”? Good grief, Reverend! It is disconcerting enough for members to be called upon to contemplate a legislature that is not dishonoured. However, these same men and women only become further bewildered when you end the prayer  with “the good name of the Parliament” for they have been assured that soon this will not be the “Red House.” Matters are only made more chaotic, when you begin such a plea with, “Loving and Merciful Father,” because then more than half of the members in the Chamber are unsure whether to look to the heavens or to their leader, the Father of our Nation.

A third divine measure you might want to consider implementing if ever asked to say a prayer in Parliament again Reverend is being a little more practical in your entreaties. Never request anything that requires a special majority, like an Act of God, as you did on Monday. How could you pray for Basdeo Panday to be endowed with the spirit and grace to lead with vision, courage and perseverance? You have to keep it real, Rev! It was not Miracle Monday. A prayer like, “Dear God, we ask you to continue to endow the Leader of the Opposition with more London bank accounts and the grace with which to spend the pounds sterling,” would have been much more pragmatic. Here is another suggestion to avoid self-righteous political contention.  Redundancy is acceptable in Parliament when referring to issues of national consequence. However, do not make superfluous supplications on behalf of the Prime Minister, for you will end up on Mr Manning’s wrong side, that is to  say, on the left hand of the Father. Just ask Ken Valley.

You should have realised Reverend, that to say a prayer for our Prime Minister to be blessed with strength, courage, compassion and sensitivity, was to ignore that he had already been anointed with these qualities by the great American evangelist, Benny Hinn. What you did on Monday was akin to baptising the baptised, preaching to the converted. At least, in the Prime Minister’s eyes. No wonder he was offended. As for Mr Manning’s leadership, which you asked to be exemplary and inspiring, gaffes galore notwithstanding, in our Supreme Leader’s mind, it already is. Finally, Reverend, when in Parliament, you must always use politically correct language. The significance of words should be muddied, made obscure. For example, you and many others might deem “prayer,” an earnest request to God for Him to play a limitless, helpful role in your lives and see what you said Monday as just that. However, in our legislature, “prayer” is the “statement,” which the Speaker of the House or President of the Senate reads, before all hell breaks loose in the Chamber.
I trust I have been of some spiritual and political assistance,

Sincerely,
Suzanne Mills
Editor, Newsday