That ‘F’ word

A long time ago, while listening to the radio in a car, Shaggy’s song “The Strength of a Woman” was playing, and after the song finished a listener called in to the radio station. The caller gushed about how the song has such a good message, how women are taken for granted and not recognised for their strengths, and how women should be more respected and appreciated by men. Just when I thought this girl was talking some sense, she then did an about-face and said, “Now, don’t get me wrong — it’s not like I’m a feminist or anything. . .” and with that I switched the station.

What is it about that “F” word that turns people off so much? I can understand men not liking the term — probably because they don’t understand what it really means — but I hate to hear a woman reject feminism. Why? The same women who enjoy the benefits of the women’s movement — who are free to go to university, vote, use birth control and choose their own husband — are the same ones who say the word with such scorn. Perhaps they too are ignorant about feminism, or perhaps they fear the stigma attached to it. But since Monday was International Women’s Day, and since I am not afraid of openly identifying myself as a feminist, I would consider it a privilege to share with you today some insight into the often misunderstood practice/lifestyle/belief that is feminism.

First, allow me to clear up a few common misconceptions or stereotypes about feminists. The first, and most obvious one, when people hear the “F” word, is they immediately think “man hater.”  A feminist rather hates sexism perpetuated by men, and hating men is no better than men hating women (misogyny). The second most prominent stigma is that people often think “lesbian” or “dyke” when they think feminist. While some feminists may choose to shun romantic relationships with men, one can indeed be a feminist and still be happily married with children too. Also, people imagine a feminist to be a woman who stops shaving her legs and chops off all her hair, wears men’s clothing and walks around like some kind of butch lesbian militant rebel. No no no people, those are all just parodies gone awry. So then what is feminism, you may be wondering? One of the problems with trying to explain feminism is that no one definition can even remotely claim to be representative of all women. In fact it’s impossible. But all kinds of feminism share a common backbone — the belief that gender roles confine us, that women in every culture and country are discriminated against unfairly and, above all, that you’ve got to stand up for your right to make your own decisions about your life.

We are all the products of a gender-control system perpetuated by centuries upon centuries of brainwashing to make us believe women and men are not equal and must be channelled into predefined roles. Pink is for girls, blue is for boys. Dollies are for girls and planes are for boys. Why? Why must little girls wear dresses instead of pants, which are much more practical and comfortable? Why are our schools so gender-biased, only teaching typing, home economics and clothing and textiles in girls’ schools, while teaching wood working and electronics in boys’ schools? Why is it that when they hold career days at secondary schools, they encourage girls to become air hostesses, but not pilots? Did you know that even today, in 2004, women are still not allowed on military submarines? Why is it a woman can be a nun, but not a priest (well, except in the Anglican church)?

Yes boys and girls, we get trapped into our gender roles before we even know what gender is! And once you are in it, you don’t even know that it’s sucked you in Matrix-style, making you internalise the belief that because of your body you are limited in what you can, and can’t, and should do. Embracing feminism is to free your mind and body from all that and to think for yourself for a change. Feminism is a belief that women and men are equal (though different) and deserve equal respect. A feminist is a woman who makes her own decisions abut what course in life she wants instead of blindly doing what is expected of her. And, also very important, a feminist is a woman who does not view women as the enemy or as competition, but knows that we are all on the same team and need each other’s support.

However, I don’t agree with all forms and styles of feminism. Take, for example, the “radical” feminists who believe that all forms of sexual intercourse between a man and a woman is rape, because women are not liberated enough to be true to their own sexuality. Radical feminists also thus believe all supposedly “true” feminists should be lesbians. That’s a little too radical for me. There are then the one-sided feminists who believe women should be given all the same rights and privileges that men have, but not give men in return any women-only privileges we may have. Again I don’t think this is right — you have to have a little give and take if we want to be more equal. Then again, some will argue that my particular brand of feminism is a “material” type of feminism, since I have never really been denied basic human rights because I am female, and thus don’t understand true oppression.

For example, I have never been denied the right to go to school, I have never been denied the right to make my own living, or the right to keep my own clitoris. I have never been forced into marriage or sold into slavery or murdered at birth as in the cultures which favour male children. Some women have it rough in different parts of the world — very, very rough. That’s a whole type of terrifying oppression I could not even begin to understand and that I am infinitely grateful for never experiencing. Feminism has come to mean so many different things that there’s not enough space in this column to explain them all, and trust me, I could write a heck of a lot more about feminism, sexism and gender-bending. So in closing I would like to quote a lady by the name of Rebecca West, a British writer, journalist and suffragette, who in 1913 said something quite profound . . . “I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is . . . I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.”