The quiet Dragon roars for justice

ONE of the earliest duties given to a certain slant-eyed cub reporter — fresh from high school and out to make his mark in journalism — was to field calls from members of the public for a hotline section similar to Newsday’s Hotline. I can tell you, it was a hell of a way to start off in journalism. People called to complain about everything under the sun including fingernail clippings in food, not enough meat in the roti, new radios which did not work, nail in the powdered milk and insurance company managers who disappeared when called on to settle a claim, just to name a few. What I remember most was the way some callers would cuss and get on over the phone, like the man who vented his frustration at not being able to get back the five dollar refund or a new roti. In those days a roti actually cost under five dollars.

Then there was the woman who called to complain that the fresh, still jumping fish she bought from the wharf in Cedros had started to decay by the time she reached her Arima home and that fishermen should know better than to sell people rotten fish. Poor woman, she had a lot to learn about life and I don’t think she ever got her money back for the putrid fish. Everyday, as I got my lesson from these irate callers in the art of cussing I would chuckle silently, amazed at how crass some people could be and swearing that I would never, ever descend to that low level of humanity no matter how bad the situation or how aggrieved I was. Flashbacks end here. Now switch to the present — the month of May to be exact. My wife and I purchased a crib and mattress from a furniture store whose car park was so large it resembled several basketball courts. I saw this as a good omen that the Expected One would one day be a great basketball star, and be a great sports personality just like his old man who is the World’s Greatest Unknown Cricketer.

Of course, I was my usual friendly and cool self as I made the purchases. The crib was delivered three weeks late and without a mattress. For days on end I called and called the furniture store and always got some cock and bull excuse or the other as to why the mattress was missing. Slowly my polite and debonair demeanor was being eroded by this furniture store. I called about 15 times and got 15 different excuses. In the end we got another crib from another source and bought a mattress. When I called the offending furniture store demanding a refund for the crib mattress and for them to collect their belonging, I was told I would have to wait some days since a report had to be made to the warehouse. Well by now you know Chinee boy done lost his cool long time. So, two Sundays ago, I decided to visit the furniture store to find out what the hell was going on.

Though damn pissed off, I went to the store with all intentions of being as polite as I could given the damn vexing circumstances. When I reached the Customer Service Department, the young woman seated (she could not have been more than 20) was busy filing her nails and chatting away with a co-worker while I and other customers waited. Here’s how my visit to the store went — Store clerk: “So ah hear Michael Jackson is really a ugly man who disguises himself as ah old white woman.”

Another clerk: “Is true? Hear nah, ah have to go market later to see if ah could get some crab yes...meh man like curry crab too bad and if ah fix him up, he might get me dat pair of sandals ah been gaping at for so long at the Mall.”
ME: “Excuse me.”
Young Girl: “Jus now sir, ah doing something” (Does nothing and continues talking away).
ME: (In loud voice) “Hear nah, ah come fuh meh money...yuh see dat damn crib ah buy from allyuh a month ago, ah put it out in the road and ah come back for meh money, which cashier ah should go by?” Store Clerk: “Sir you put the crib in the road? We have to collect it first and then you can get your refund.”
ME: “Well ah damn fed up of waiting. Ah want meh money now (stamps foot on ground for emphasis). Yuh see me, ah may look small and moo-moo but ah meking ah stand fuh meh right, give meh meh damn money now!”

By now of course a crowd had gathered and they stood and stared as yours truly gesticulated wildly at the cowering clerk.

Another Clerk: “Yuh see me I gorn yes...you deal with he”. (Points at me as she leaves for the safety of the back office.
ME: “Listen nah, if ah eh get back meh seven hundred and fifty dollars today, den ah have to get some satisfaction somehow. Some glass or showcase in this damn place go have to smash yes, and ah eh care bout jail.”

I mean, if former prime ministers could make a jail who is me? And besides, I could always use the free time in lock-up to catch up on my reading of the Holy Gita and Qu’ran. Now picture me, slim built, I barely weigh 150 pounds soaking wet, gesticulating like a madman in front of complete strangers all the while the Amalgamated Security guard watching me with concern, fingers twitching on his baton. My wife who sat nearby, had never seen this side of me and was no doubt scared to death. She had never seen me get on like this before in public and must have wondered to herself, “the Chinese Dove has morphed into a Dragon, Heavens to Betsy! Why I choose this man to father meh chile?” The poor clerk who bore the brunt of my verbal onslaught went to the back office where she stayed for well over 20 minutes before returning with a false smile on her face.

Store Clerk: “Mr Chee Hing is it? Yes, take this to the cashier and she will give you back your money.” Once I had my money in hand, I went back to the clerk at the Customer Service desk and almost apologetically told her that I did not mean to behave in such a manner and that I did not really place the crib in the road. To this she smiled sweetly and said: “I knew that sir, we always get these threats, in fact, someone went to a newspaper once and in making his complaint said he placed our stove in the middle of the highway.” Well I got my money back and led my bewildered and pregnant wife out of the store and safely home. You could tell me why we have to put up with so much damn nonsense in this place?