DEFENDING THE MONSTERS

I DON’T know about you, but I for one find the whole abortion debate currently raging on to be an absolutely pointless exercise because it tackles the issue of abortion from all the wrong angles. The debate has become nothing more than a morality tennis match – the issue just bounces back and forth and back and forth from side to side, each side hell-bent on winning the game, each side equally determined that they shall be victorious, each side unwilling to compromise themselves. But what is ironic is that both the religious majority and ASPIRE have the same exact goal – to reduce the number of abortions that women have – yet neither side of the debate is willing to work together to tackle the root of the problem, which is why women are driven to have abortions in the first place.

People seem to have this idea that women who have abortions are some sort of evil, murderous, disgusting, selfish, cruel, inhumane, unfeeling, heartless, bloodthirsty monsters who don’t even think twice about destroying the growing life inside of them. This is not the case. Anybody who knows someone who has had an abortion knows that they are usually just your average girl who found herself stuck between a rock and a hard place. No woman in her right mind WANTS to have an abortion, especially if it is her first pregnancy. All girls grow up with the romantic idea that her first pregnancy will be when she is happily married, with a nice house and a nice loving husband, when she can care for her child and be a good mother. But as we all know, this is often not the case in real life, so many women make real life decisions about their pregnancy. 

But again the question – why do women have abortions? Every woman at some point in her life comes face to face with her fertility during her forty-odd potential childbearing years, and each woman makes the decision that she thinks is best. A woman’s decision to abort is usually driven by one emotion – fear. If she is very young, she may fear that she will have to drop out of school and her life will be ruined. If she is a poor woman who already has a number of children she may fear that there is no way that she can support another mouth to feed. If she is an unmarried woman, she may fear being ostracised from society, or she may fear she will shame her family. Perhaps she was raped and simply cannot emotionally handle the trauma of the situation. Perhaps her lover was a married man, or perhaps she was abandoned or widowed or handicapped and she cannot raise the child alone.

Perhaps she is currently in an abusive relationship and does not want to bring a child into a dangerous situation. Perhaps she is a prostitute and fears she has no other option and nowhere to go. Perhaps it is for health reasons, and the pregnancy may result in her death. Perhaps she is the sole breadwinner of her family and she is afraid that she may lose her job. The decision to have an abortion is usually motivated by a variety of complex, interconnected factors. There is a belief that all women are both with a maternal instinct, that all women have this deep-rooted biological ability that will make them natural mothers. This is not the case. Not all women want to have children. Not all women even like children. Not all women will be good mothers or will be able to handle motherhood, as we so aptly saw with the tragic case of the 17-year-old who hung herself after weeks of severe post-partum depression. That does not make them bad people. We are all only human, but women are expected to be these superhuman beings that can carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. Half the time they can barely carry themselves.

Women do not have abortions because they have the choice – women who have abortions feel they have no choice. And that is what we must change. Society is not exactly very supportive of pregnant women, particularly unwed ones. As much as the church would like to believe that they encourage a “culture of life,” I recommend that they take a close look at what role they play in indirectly encouraging women to turn to abortion particularly because of the unfortunate stigma that comes with being an unwed mother – slut, whore, sinner, tramp, can’t-keep-her-legs-closed – that kind of thing. It is enough to make any young girl swallow a black market RU-486 pill to avoid the shame and humiliation and gossip in her community.

Regardless of what either side of the debate has to say about abortion, nothing is going to stop a woman from finding a way to get one, even if she has to do something drastic and dangerous like throw herself down a flight of stairs. It is pointless bickering over right and wrong or choice or murder or human or potential human or foetus or a blob of cells or whatever words and phrases we use to try to define the abortion issue. If we are really serious about reducing the incidence of abortion, we must work to reduce the need for abortion. Every sector of society – the communities, the schools, the churches, the workplaces and all families – should all spend less time trying to be the morality police and spend more time on finding ways to encourage a better quality of life for both the mother and the child, so that women do not feel they must destroy one life in order to save their own. And that, I believe, is the crux of the matter in the first place.