A smart resolution

For 2006, I have made just one resolution: I am going to become smart. Now there are a few people who think I’m already so. However, there aren’t any Christian pastors, PNM-till-ah-deads, UNC fanatics, or literary critics amongst them. Indeed, if any persons within those groups think I’m smart, they just think I’m too smart for my own good. And that’s exactly my point. I am, I admit, an educated man. But the fact that I understand the basics of philosophy, science, psychology, history, economics, literature, and women’s dress sizes does not make me a smart person. Being truly smart means adapting yourself successfully to your environment. So if I had Jack Warner’s millions, then I could  truly say that I am a smart man — and if anyone contradicted me, I could silence them by showing them my bank book instead of my fiction books.

In this place, you see, it is smarter to write cheques than novels. I’m not saying that I would want to be Jack. Indeed, there’s no way I could be him, at least not without a head transplant and a tank of laughing gas. Even if I liked football, I would never have been able to work in FIFA. And even if I did have enough influence to get Trinidad and Tobago’s football team into the World Cup, I would be so overwhelmed by the resultant national adulation that I would do nothing to jeopardise it, like giving myself an exclusive ticket-selling deal. But that is exactly why Jack is a smart man, whereas I am not. Like most people, I want the respect of my fellow man. But I try to get respect through my writing and my naturally curly hair. Jack, however, knows that in Trinidad the best way to get respect is to have lots of money. And, if Yesenia Gonzalves’ latest psychic prediction is right — not that her predictions ever are — he will surely need all those millions to get people to vote UNC.

Which brings me to Basdeo Panday, who is smarter — and quite possibly richer — than Jack. Here is a person who rose from a poor background to become a holder of Trinidad and Tobago’s highest office, as well as a high-end London flat. Of course, there are those who would argue that it does not require smartness to become a Prime Minister; and proof like Patrick Manning is pretty much incontrovertible. But I do not think Bas becoming Prime Minister is the best sign of how smart he is. I think that was more amply demonstrated when the Inter-Religious Organisation sent a delegation to beg him to accept bail. If it was me who had been jailed on corruption charges, the IRO would either have remained silent or begged the prison authorities to throw away the key. So that proves that Bas is way smarter than I could ever hope to be.

Indeed, it also shows that people like pastors Winston Cuffie, Terrence Browne, and Clive Dottin are smart men, too. After all, these individuals prove that knowledge has nothing to do with being a smart man in Trinidad. You can believe the Earth is 6,000 years old, that evolution is a Satanic theory, and even that Bible prophecies are true — and still be rich or respected. Of course, while the former guarantees the latter in this place, it is  possible to be respected just for knowing the right people. Clearly, being a moral moron is an advantage for an Independent Senator. (Angela Cropper must have slipped in by accident.) In the last session of the Upper House, several Senators argued that the amended Bail Bill was either draconian or ineffectual. But they still voted for it. This shows that being an Independent Senator requires thinking more flexible than a female contortionist in a circus act. Yet the Senators aren’t even allowed to wear spandex. So, although I know that attaining this intellectual level will be well-nigh impossible for me, I am resolved to become so smart that I will understand why I should support legislation that I don’t believe will work and may actually be dangerous.

Mind you, I don’t actually want to be a Senator. You see, I have this chronic fear of boring people. And at least in the press gallery I don’t have to pretend to be interested. But I am not a smart man even in my own field. As a journalist, I always try to ensure that my articles are based on facts and expert opinion. Where I have been wrong, even about trivial matters, I have always made sure to issue a correction and, if needed, an apology. This is professional, but it is definitely not smart. In order to be a really respected journalist in this place, I would have to write that a Carnival band’s costume requirements for one section reflect racism; that cancer is caused by a lack of spirituality; and that Servol is a Catholic organisation — and, when it is pointed out to me that I have given wrong information to the public, just ignore it. After all, in this society, never admitting to being wrong is the same as never being wrong and that, in turn, is the sign of a truly smart man and smart woman. So this is my resolution for 2006. If I am successful, I am sure readers will be able to tell, since my views will become informed by more emotion and less logic, by more superstitions and fewer facts, and by increasing use of words like “rhinoceritic.” Eventually, if my intellect and my ethics become completely stultified, I will be a true Trini smart man.

E-mail: kbaldeosingh@hotmail.com
Website: www.caribscape.com/baldeosingh