Why do children invent imaginary friends?

Callaloo, Alcho-Hulk, Bridge, Gluie and Jeff, although imaginary, were no less easier to be a parent to than my very real son. I had to feed them imaginary food, give them imaginary baths, change their imaginary clothes, pack imaginary lunch kits for school, supervise imaginary homework, and read them all bedtime stories and kiss them goodnight. I also had to intervene in their many FIghts, verbal and otherwise, and discipline all six of them without fear or favour, malice or ill-will.

I have to admit that when they began taking up residence in my home I was a bit concerned. “Is there something wrong with my child? Is he not getting enough attention and affection? Am I doing something wrong? Is this a symptom of a much deeper problem?” Were among the myriad of questions _ uttering around in my head. Concerns that extensive research transformed into a bit of peace of mind. For, according to the experts, some children take imaginative play a step farther by creating invisible friends in various forms. Princeton psychologist and author of the award-winning children’s book, What About Me? 12 Ways to Get Your Parents’ Attention Without Hitting Your Sister, Dr Eileen Kennedy-Moore highlights that children can vividly describe the look and behaviour of these friends, and will most likely keep them around for years.

In my son’s case, Callaloo is his alter ego, Alcho-Hulk is his favourite wrestling buddy, Bridge is a “silver girl” who is not included in all of his activities, Gluie is “just some random fat guy”, and Jeff is the one with whom he can discuss philosophical things such as the reason why parents should “get abcmouse.com so kids won’t have to go to school” (those conversations are stories by themselves).

But why do children invent imaginary friends? Well, according to Dr Kennedy-Moore, “It seems logical that children who invent invisible friends might be lonely or have social problems, but research doesn’t support those assumptions. In fact, compared to those who don’t create them, children with imaginary companions (either invisible friends or personified objects) tend to be less shy, engage in more laughing and smiling with peers, and do better at tasks involving imagining how someone else might think,” claims for which I can vouch – the boy is anything but shy, laughs at any and everything, and never ceases to astound me with the creative details he gives when telling a story about someone. Although anyone can have an imaginary friend, research shows that the children who are more likely to have them are only children, first borns and children who are not too much into television.

“Having an imaginary friend is not evidence that a child is troubled. However, imaginary friends can be a source of comfort when a child is experiencing difficulties,” Dr Kennedy Moore points out. “Imaginary friends can also help children to cope with fears, explore ideas, or gain a sense of competence through learning from or taking care of the imaginary friend.”

As with everything else, having imaginary friends has its merits and its downsides, and as parents we have to learn how to effectively deal with those. On numerous occasions my son has tried to palm off his wrong doings on the imaginaries in an attempt to avoid dealing with my displeasure. “Mom, Alcho-Hulk was trying to take my juice and made me spill it on the keyboard!” Or, “It wasn’t me! Bridge said when you don’t have red crayons you can use lipstick.” Dr Kennedy-Moore recommends that you use an approach that is stern but will not challenge the existence of your child’s friend. “You can say things like, ‘I don’t care who made this mess. You need to wipe it up’.

” Over the years I have learnt to accept and enjoy the bond shared by the real and imagined characters. When the imaginaries are around I play along, when the real doesn’t mention them for a few days I find myself asking about their whereabouts. Coming to think of it, Gluie and Alcho-Hulk have been missing in action for over a month, and Bridge was deliberately left behind at my aunt’s house because she “doesn’t play fair.” Callaloo and Jeff are around and may not be going anywhere for a while, but ces’t la vie – when it comes to engaging them I always take my cue from him. After all, they are his friends spawned by his imagination. Let him be in charge.